Lazy ass! [PRP]

[Isshin Kurosaki]

Beeeeeeeeeeeeach~! Gotta love it. One could ask what a supposedly lone man was doing here with an inflatable ring around his waist on, nothing else being worn but his swimming trunks. WELL He wasn't alone~ With the sun being high, the week having been hot, he'd dragged his son out here for the day. Karin and Yuzu were alas at a friend's birthday party, meaning that for once he was without his little angel's to swoon over, and sooooo target of the day? Come on, not hard, third child, orange hair, screamed like a sissy girl? Ahh you suck. Target of the day was of course Ichigo. This was something that was actually happening on fewer and fewer occasions, something always just kept coming up. This time though he'd forced his son to join him. He had little doubt that the anti social git would have avoided it if possible, but this time there'd been no option at all. And so here they were, Isshin and Ichigo... Alone... On a beach... No one around... You could just tell this was going to go horribly terribly wrong~ Just another day then really!

Father son bonding time. Now some would call that impossible with a son like Ichigo, However Isshin was determined! And alas when Isshin was determined on something it usually meant trouble for the other party involved. Now, lets make no mistake with this, Isshin did care about his son, and he did want the best for him, but alas in his books wanting the best for Ichigo also involved high levels of child abuse. You might be thinking 'WHAT THE FUCK CALL?1!/? CHILD LINE!111!!1' but there was a method behind his incredibly high levels of madness, he knew exaaaaactly what his son was getting up to these days, and he wasn't talking about frolicking with the female species~ Ohhhh no, his little carrot child thought he was oblivious as to what was going on? Yeaaah, well, he certainly wasn't exactly the brains in the family now was he~? That was obviously Isshin's roll, and as such it was also his fault to train his son, such training being the for mentioned child abuse that we discussed. In this case it involved creeping up to his son who'd sprawled himself out on the sand, taking a running leap annnnd screaming at the top of his lungs as he tried to stomp the poor kid in the face. It always went wrong, that's what you get for pulling your punches though he supposed~

Between the pair it had almost become some deranged ritual between the two. Isshin would try and pound, Ichigo would do the pounding. I mean, talk about screwed up! What kind of family would involve parent and child trying to kill each other... Saying that, what kind of family would have a dead father and three hybrid children? Nyaaah, say that and you'd be getting your ass kicked from one Isshin Kurosaki with a lovely thank you kick right to the crotch... ohhhh wipeout~! “Ichigoooooooooo~!” he howled, still hurtling toward his snoozing son. Welllll you know what they say? You snooze you lose~ The only thing to lose here would be brain cells if and when Isshin's foot connected with his very intelligent son who was obviously not letting his guard down at all, heavens forbid such a thing! Yeaaah, but anyway, just as long as there was no one hiding in the bushes like some creeper pedo he was liable to be safe from any legal suits against violence towards his children.. Besides, he'd totally just claim self defense, awww yeah~ That would totally work! A teenage boy and two little girls kicking an older man's ass... Totally possible!

[Ichigo Kurosaki]

Damn, why had Ichigo even agreed to go to the beach with his dad? He was still wiped out from that whole Hollow fiasco, last thing he needed was to be alone with that crazy old coot. However, it was because he was exhausted that he'd ultimately agreed to come. Not to be with Isshin, hell no. He'd agreed to go to the beach so he could, just maybe, relax. They'd left before Rukia was awake, so surely she wouldn't be able to find him and badger him about fighting more Hollows? Peh, fat chance, she was damn good at sensing spiritual pressure, but it was a nice thought. Besides she hadn't shown up yet, so who was he to deny his body the rest it needed? One would think a teenage boy would immediately head for the water, go swimming, but instead Ichigo was splayed out on a towel, eyes closed , mouth ajar, bare chest soaking up that lovely sunlight. If not for the penultimate, he would have been cute.

“Ichigoooooooooo~!”

Alas, all good things must come to an end. He may have seemed completely conked out to an onlooker, but the dandelion head was smarter than that. You never fall asleep completely when Isshin is nearby. Thus, as soon as he heard his name being hollered, Ichigo got ready for his father's attack. Though he didn't move from his current position, he was fully aware of what Dad was up to. Once the light above his closed eyes became slightly dimmer, Ichigo snapped from his half-sleep and rolled out of the way of his father's massive feet. Without delay, he then got up and swung his leg at Isshin, fully intending to slam it into the geezer's side. If he missed, hell even if he didn't, he'd aim a punch directly at Isshin's face.

"I DIDN'T COME WITH YOU SO YOU COULD TRY TO KILL ME IN MY SLEEP!" Ichigo was utterly fuming at this point, and the red on his face was only partially due to a sunburn. Seriously, what was his dad's problem with letting him have a moment's peace? Ok, well maybe more than a moment, but it's just a figure of speech. He stood there, body tense, teeth bared, eyes narrow for a few seconds, then stomped over to his towel. With a single arm movement he picked it up, and with another fluid motion he turned around and stormed a few yards down the beach. Once he was away from his father, the towel was spread flat again, and Ichigo flopped back down on his chest.

Chances were slim that Isshin would leave him alone, though. That's why Ichigo had a backup plan. Should his father pursue him, whether his approach was hostile or not, the teenager would get up with his towel. Instead of leaving in a huff like he just had, however, he would toss the towel at his father. The goal of this: to cover his head with a towel, of course! Whether his little maneuver worked or not, Ichigo would opt for more yelling instead of exerting himself. "THIS IS ONE OF MY ONLY DAYS OFF! LET ME SLEEP DAMMIT!" Hooray for double meanings. Isshin would probably think Ichigo was talking about going to school five days a week, but what the boy was actually alluding to was having to do a Soul Reaper's dirty work day in and day out because she lost her powers.

If Isshin didn't bother him, the above would not happen and he'd go back to sleep. What were the chances of that, though?

[Isshin Kurosaki]

Yeaaaah he saw that coming. Did he bother to dodge it though? Nope, instead the foot connected hard with his side, sending him pinwheeling off to the side before he did a barrel roll though the sound, mouth filling with the nasty stuff. Jumping to his feet he spat it out, spluttering and coughing, sandy tongue hanging from his mouth, giving him the look of a rabid animal with some sort of wierdass disease... Oh dude, he could totally pass for some newly discovered species, he was certainly unique enough to merit such a title. Good freaking times! Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Quickly spinning toward his son, a forlorn look coming to him as arms flailed in an utterly epic fashion that would no doubt put any grumpy child to shame. “Ichigooooooo,” he whined out, trying to take on an innocently whiny look that really didn't at all suit someone of his age. More than anything it just made him look utterly creepy... WELL! That pretty much summed Isshin up anyway~ “You shouldn't abuse your fathhhhhher like that! Where's your respect?!” There was little doubt that were he at home at present he'd be preaching to the poster of his wife... Ohhh dear~ One really wouldn't think he was a grown man, let alone a grown man who'd lived many times the normal life span.

"I DIDN'T COME WITH YOU SO YOU COULD TRY TO KILL ME IN MY SLEEP!"

Ohhhhh burn~ As the towel hit him in the face he dragged it of, balling it up and throwing it back. “You didn't come here to sleep either~!” Noyeah, Isshin hadn't pulled him all this way for him just to sleep. Sure he supposed the boy probably needed it, and yes as a doctor he knew the importance of rest and all that crap. However was that going to stop him tormenting his son? Oh hell no, the best bit was? The best bit was obviously that with him you could just about put money on the fact that things were going to get worse for Ichigo. If there was one thing for certain there was absolutely no way he was going to be leaving his son alone whilst they were here. Ichigo would see it as irritating, Isshin would see it as a testament of his fatherly devotion. In the end though it all boiled down to the fact that whilst Isshin was smart, hell, he was a doctor wasn't he~? Yes, and whilst he was that he most certainly didn't at all act it all. More than anything he just acted like a deranged child that had been shot up one to many times. In the end he most certainly didn't act like most parents. The word unique didn't even begin to describe him.

"THIS IS ONE OF MY ONLY DAYS OFF! LET ME SLEEP DAMMIT!”

Talk about dual meanings, eh? Well whatever, in Isshin's mind there was only one he could show a reaction to. It hardly bothered him, it was easy as flipping a pancake... Wait... that wasn't easy... Okay, well whatever, it was easier than that~ “Men never take days off!” He barked, shaking a fist at his lazy ass son. “Quit your whining and take it like a real man and not some little sissy girly!” With that he once more lept at his son, leg swinging out as he tried to roundhouse the poor boy. Really, with Isshin around Ichigo didn't have a hope in hell of getting anything close to a decent night's rest. “Sleep when you're dead!” Irony? Oh hell yeah, and boy did it damn well taste good~! Add a bit of soy sauce and bam, dish of they, an insta win for sure~! Perhaps that was just the rambling of a madman however, there was little way to say. Under it he perhaps knew exactly what he was doing, what he was talking about, or perhaps that was the biggest lie of all, perhaps he was just flat out crazy and that's all there was to it. Oh how the plot thickened, frankly it seemed like the old pea soup a grandmother would make, you had no choice but to bear it, but damn did it taste vile~

[Ichigo Kurosaki]

The towel...hadn't had the effect Ichigo was going for. He was hoping to make his father flail madly, scream about being blind, forget entirely about driving his teenage son insane. Instead, the oversize infant merely pulled it off and chucked it back at its owner. He threw it pretty hard, too, hard enough to get an "Oof!" out of Ichigo. He closed his eyes to prevent any airborne pieces of sand from getting in.

“You didn't come here to sleep either~!”

"Actually getting to sleep on the beach is EXACTLY why I a-"

“Men never take days off! Quit your whining and take it like a real man and not some little sissy girly!”

...Sissy girly? Really? Those were both adjectives. They needed a noun after them to make any damn sense. Ichigo didn't have time to lecture his father on grammar, however. Isshin was already launching his next attack: a terribly predictable roundhouse kick.

“Sleep when you're dead!”

Yet another sentence that made absolutely no sense! He tried to jump back to avoid the kick, but his reflexes were too slow. His dad's leg connected with Ichigo's side, sending him rolling into the water in a cloud of sand. Before the splash of water had time to settle, Ichigo launched himself out, spluttering and coughing to get that water out of his system. Man it was good he had opted to change into his swim trunks. He was pissed enough already, and if he'd been fully dressed Isshin's minutes would have been numbered.

As soon as he could breathe properly, Ichigo charged (well, he tried to. Water has that interesting habit of making you move far slower than if you were on land. Thus it was more like a drunken toddle in which Ichigo swung his arms in hopes of going faster) towards his father. At this point the complexion of his face was even brighter than the orange of his hair. He hollered at his father as he approached, though he had to do so between heavy breaths. "YOU...ARE SUCH...A PAIN...IN...THE..." The last hesitation wasn't due to being out of breath, but rather due to thinking about what word to place there. Ass? No, cursing didn't really do anything. Butt? Too kiddy. Backside? Too intelligent, Isshin wouldn't understand. Oh, to hell with it. "ASS!"

Finally, Ichigo's feet hit dry land. Because he was now using way more effort to move than was necessary on land, he face-planted in the sand. He might have gotten up immediately if he wasn't completely wiped out, bit since he nearly was such he just turned his head from the ground so he could breathe without inhaling massive amounts of sand. Then he held up his hand. "One minute...that's all I need. Just...one minute."

Would Isshin grant him that one minute? Chances were pretty much nil, hence why Ichigo pushed himself to his feet just a few seconds after asking for a full sixty. He was exhausted from his near-drowning, then the struggle to shore, but still he ran at his father. The remainder of his energy would go into an attempt to sock Isshin in the gut. Whether or not it hit, Ichigo would then let himself flop onto the sand. He didn't even bother getting his face out of it this time. "Rrr ee drrn nrro?" For those of you who don't speak Muffled Voice-ese, that's "Are we done now?"

Let me rest, you sadistic bastard...

[Isshin Kurosaki]

"YOU...ARE SUCH...A PAIN...IN...THE... ASS!"

Watching his son flailing he snorted, before full on laughing. Ichigo really had all the grace of a bloated elephant, and by hell it was a funny sight. He really wished he'd brought his video camera with him, he was pretty sure he could have made some damn well money of the video by sending it into one of those home movie things. To be perfectly honest his dumbass was a little gold mine of retardedness... That really obviously did not run in the family. At least with Isshin it was a damn well act, it just came naturally to Ichigo, ah well, a father couldn't have anything it seemed. Make do with what you have so the old saying went, and right now what he had was some stupid ass... One with lame come backs, really... Really? "And you're just a pain~" He quipped, a snerk like grin sprawling its way across his face. Of course that was going to get shot down, and of course his retaliation was just as feeble as the initiating comment... But like he cared~

"One minute...that's all I need. Just...one minute."

As the boy face planted he couldn't help but roll his eyes, useless as a three legged cat on crack. Really, it couldn't be that hard to stay on your feet.... Well obviously it was but anywaaaaaaay, Ichigo was just a special case. But hey, look at it this way, he was Isshin's special case. "Get up and fight like a real man!" He barked out, almost trying to drill the words into the boy. One really had to feel sorry for the poor carrot top, there was really no way to escape the madness in his life. On the one hand he was chasing crazy dead soul consuming monsters around all over the place trying to break their pretty little masks, and yet on the other he had a somewhat deranged father who seemed intent on trying to beat the shit out of him for no reason that any besides the weird man could see. To be honest when all was said and done it seemed to be a much better option to take the hollow, at least you could kill those things and be rid of them. Isshin however had a nasty habit of coming back time and time again.

"Rrr ee drrn nrro?"

Now trust Isshin to know exactly what the fuck his son was saying, frankly even a social genius probably couldn't have worked out the child's sand inhibited speech... However perhaps that was the point, Isshin was Isshin and he knew his kids pretty damn well, better than they perhaps knew or would ever have liked. Of course he'd known from the start about Ichigo's ability to see ghosts, and then Karin too. He knew about he's son's shenanigans with that soul reaper girl, he even knew exactly how and why the boy had received his powers. Ohhhhh he knew it all, and yet at the same time was none the wiser. It was a grand yet depressing game, pity. BUUUUUT whatever. With a running leap arms threw up into the air before gravity took hold of him pulling him back down. This was exactly as planned though. He had every intention of planting his knee square on in the boy's back. "Hell no!" And that was that.

[Ichigo Kurosaki]

He just didn't get it. How could he completely dominate a hoard of Hollows one day and be kicked around by his human (though honestly he probably came from a different planet) father the next? Sure, there was the fact that he was facing Isshin without his zanpakutō and with reduced energy from said encounter with howling beasts, but still! Isshin was just an overgrown preschooler, so why was the guy capable of causing Ichigo a world of hurt? It. Made. No. Sense. What did make sense, however, was the bellowed response to Ichigo's muffled question. He really should have seen it coming, after fifteen years of dealing with the lunatic.

"Hell no!"

And there was Isshin's shadow again. Using as little effort as possible Ichigo rolled onto his back to avoid his father's knee. Once he was face-up he'd spit out the sand that had gotten into his mouth. Then he'd turn his head and look in Isshin's direction. Surely Isshin would let Ichigo be if Ichigo didn't even try to retaliate? Might as well try and dissuade the ape with some minor guilt-tripping."Don't you know that people who are fatigued need rest so they don't get sick?" The teenager sat up, scoffing a bit as a rare smirk appeared on his face. "And if I get sick, I can't go to school. And if I can't go to school, my grades slip. And if my grades slip, well...surely you don't wanna be the cause of your son becoming a hobo?" /he was pretty damn sure logic wasn't going to work, but he was running out of ways to make Isshin leave him alone. Sure he could try and leave, but this excursion had been just damn fine until his monkey of a parent assaulted him. He wanted to regain that tranquility, and walking off was not an option for reaching that result.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Ichigo stood up and walked towards the very water he had only just struggled out of. He stopped once the water was up to his ankles then looked at Isshin again. "Look, I know you have a hobby of beating the crap outta me, but can you give me a break just for a day?" Ok, but what then? If Isshin did cease his attack, he'd surely want to interact with Ichigo in some other way. Ichigo was too old for building sand castles, so that was out. So were any of the perverted activities the readers are certainly coming up with. Thehre really only seemed to be one option besides brawling on the beach, and it wasn't much better. "Why don't we just..." Ichigo shuddered. Why the hell was he suggesting this? "...talk?" What the hell am I getting myself into? Oh well, the damage was done. Either father and son would have some deep conversation or Ichigo would fall victim to another roundhouse kick.

Maybe he should just walk away.

[Isshin Kurosaki]

"Don't you know that people who are fatigued need rest so they don't get sick? And if I get sick, I can't go to school. And if I can't go to school, my grades slip. And if my grades slip, well...surely you don't wanna be the cause of your son becoming a hobo?"

Ohhhh so he was trying to lecture the doctor, say that again with me please, DOCTOR, on how the body could affect how you preformed? Oh hell no~ "WELL THEN!" He bellowed out, arms folding as he took on a look far more like some angry chipmunk than a deranged father. "I'd have more said that would have been down to you missing classes, cutting out in the middle, and being late!" Ichigo probably thought he didn't know about that, huh? YEAH WELL he was the one that had to deal with the angry teacher on the other end of the phone as he tried to come up with yet another reason for his son being absent YET AGAIN. "Or did you think I didn't know about that hmmmm? I meaaaaaaaaaan what were you playing at? Huh? HUUUUUUUUH?" He probably had. Isshin had his own personal doubts as to if the boy actually ever thought these things through when he did them. It was kind of lucky in a way else the boy may have wondered why Isshin had said nothing before now.

"Look, I know you have a hobby of beating the crap outta me, but can you give me a break just for a day?"

Thinking... THINKING... No sorry. "And what would I want to give my little truant playing son a break for~?" He wasn't much bothered about that to be honest, had he been then he'd have brought it up far sooner than this, and also in a more serious way. YES believe it or not Isshin could be serious, the retarded goof that was he did know how to act like an adult... He simply chose not to. To be peeeeeeerfectly honest this was more fun anyway. Acting like a serious angsty face? Uhhhh hell no, that really wasn't his thing thank you very much come again later when you had A BETTER FREAKING IDEA. Is that clear? Good, then why exactly are you still here reading this when you should be off thinking just what you thought you were going to get by acting like a serious jackass, come one, spit it out. What was it, fame, power, money? Pft, as far as Isshin was concerned as long as you had your family you were fine, even when said family was rolling out of the way to avoid a knee to the back.

"Why don't we just...... talk?"

Blink, blink again, asses the situation, work out if you have heat stroke induced hallucinations from the epic flailing, discover you don't... AND THEN GLEE. Okay, in all the responses he'd expected that had not been one of them, Isshin was actually genuinely surprised by his son's sudden proposition, however he of course had every intention of taking full advantage of it, perhaps even abusing it... Okay, who are we kidding, he was certainly going to abuse it! "I like your thinking Ichigo!" He offered out in that perma loud voice of his. It was a fact of life that Isshin did not actually have an indoors voice, or if he did it was exactly the same as his outside voice which was hellish freaking loud when all was said and done. "Father son bonding is the best way to spend your day!" Not for poor Ichigo... Bonding with Isshin was perhaps the most traumatic thing imaginable.... Ah well.

[Ichigo Kurosaki]

"WELL THEN! I'd have more said that would have been down to you missing classes, cutting out in the middle, and being late! Or did you think I didn't know about that hmmmm? I meaaaaaaaaaan what were you playing at? Huh? HUUUUUUUUH?"

Ichigo cringed. Had he really expected Isshin to be in the dark about all the class he was missing? Damn bad idea, considering the school was very good about calling parents when their kid wasn't present. That probably meant Isshin was getting called at least every other day...maybe that's why he was getting pummeled now?...No, even when he'd been a good student these brawls had been a daily thing. This wasn't punishment. As much as he hated his father knowing about him cutting class, he was calmed by the fact that Isshin didn't know why. He never would know why, either. No way in hell Ichigo was gonna tell him.

"And what would I want to give my little truant playing son a break for~?"

Upon hearing that accusation, Ichigo whirled around and shouted in protest. "Look, I'm not skipping class for fun! It just so happens that I'm being forced to-" What was that about not telling him? The teenager's mouth shut, his eyes getting wider. "...Erm..." Quick, make something up! Cover your slip! "...Never mind. Forget I said anything." Freaking brilliant, Ichigo. As if Isshin was gonna forget that little mess up. He would undoubtedly nag the carrot top for an end to that thought. Hopefully Ichigo had enough time to come up with a convincing lie before that happened.

"I like your thinking Ichigo! Father son bonding is the best way to spend your day!"

...Crap. Isshin had taken his son up on the suggestion to just talk. Well, might as well use that as means of getting farther away from his near-catastrophic mistake. If Rukia found that Isshin had almost found out...oh man. To be honest Ichigo was more scared of her than Isshin. Sure, she was tiny, but she knew full well how to wield her sketchbook. And the markers. No way in hell he was gonna provoke her into drawing another moustache on him.

Anyway, back to the task at hand.

"Yeah...father-son bonding..." He stepped back out of the water and took a seat in the sand, hands resting behind his back. "So, uh..." Come up with something before Dad does, you idiot! Something not remotely about you. "Nice...weather we're having, huh?" Yeah, that will totally work.