Repatriation [PRP Toshiro] [C]

[Jushiro Ukitake]

"I still don't know... It won't feel right if I do, and that's just the thing."

Trying to get through to the boy on this matter was like trying to get him to sunbath on a hot beach, near impossible. Unlike such a fickle thing though this was important to his health, if neglected to deal with this as was being suggested things were going to go so terribly wrong for him. “Please, Captain, this is the only way.” If only he'd see, if only he'd just listen. Of all the people out there Ukitake was one of the least likely to lead you astray. He'd lived so very many years, he knew more through experience than most, and so he was all but sure that his words were totally correct for this matter. Of course there was no total certainty, this was not something he'd ever before dealt with, but for the most part it was very much clear. It was perhaps the boy's age though, something like this was not something he in all his emotional stability could contend with. He'd just need time perhaps, it was after all the balm to all insecurity. Time made that which was clouded clear once more, time would proved the answer he himself had already given, so he presumed at least.

"It's hard to agree with you... Had I followed through with what you suggest, I would have, right now, just returned to my other state.”

Cocking a brow he paused for thought, yes, he'd felt the boy's pressure alter slightly, however something didn't fit. “It wasn't trying to take over,” he stated simply. “If he had been he would have, Toshiro. Don't you see? All he wants is some freedom, give it that and events like that won't even happen.” He just needed him to accept that. Right now Toshiro was an incredible risk, to himself for one, but not just that. Ukitake's own siblings shared this home. He trusted Toshiro innately, it was for that simple reason that he was putting a so called risk on his own family for this boy. Whilst yes he trusted him though he did not want his emotional state becoming worse than it was, if his hollow were to show itself whilst he was not there he had little doubt his siblings would handle things in a very different matter to he himself. It would go so wrong so fast. Whilst of course it wasn't a risk he'd ever think of pointing out it was very much there, and so he simply held it in the back of his mind, away from the reach of any other.

"It is not that the idea is something ridiculous, but, I don't feel comfortable enough just yet. It's not that I do not understand, I just can't accept.”

Ukitake could see this, it was as clear as anything that Hitsugaya was rejecting this whole thing so very hard. If only he wouldn't, if only he'd stop and just accept it, even if it were only in some small way, that would be enough for the dove haired old captain. “I see this, and I can grasp why, however if you really did understand then you'd accept. Understanding doesn't just come from knowing everything about what it is you face, rather, it comes from the acceptance of that knowledge.” Understanding wasn't at all just knowing, it wasn't just the core rooted information, it was also the emotions attached to the information. What Toshiro had was knowledge, not understanding. He was young enough that the concept to its truer extent would perhaps be difficult to find without being shown. And so Ukitake was there to lead as a gentle teacher when needed, not necessarily when wanted or asked... Just... When needed. This was though the trait of true understanding. If he were to look at this situation with only knowledge then he'd have killed Toshiro on the spot, simply because he knew that he was now a hollow breaking the law. It was the the emotions of understanding that lead him to accept the boy as who he was, not what. That was understanding in the most divine of senses.

Rubbing the back of his head slightly his hair flickered to shift to the movement, it was late and he was of course near exhausted, yet what could he do but persist? This needed to be resolved now before it was all to late, far to late for anyone to be able to do anything at all about it. “I know you can't accept this, and I'm not trying to make you, however people have to do things they don't like in life. If the pros outweigh the cons then despite the risks it's worth it.” This had to be done, there were no ifs or buts, only that solid certainty pushed forth. Was now so much the best of times though? Perhaps not. The boy was acting in many ways as calm as possible, Ukitake knew that by far he was probably in the worst mental state he'd ever seen the boy. Pushing at something like this that would only hurt him more, on the side of his heart he perhaps knew that going to far just wasn't fair. Discretion was without a doubt needed, the ground was rocky and already starting to crumble. If it fell to dust then what was there to stop him falling into madness? Less than there was now, but Ukitake would always be there, there with that stupid smile that portrayed nothing but an absolute fondness that did not waver, even now it did not. “Let me help, it'll be fine, please just listen.” And it would.

EUGH crap, sorry 8P

[Toshiro Hitsugaya]

“Please, Captain, this is the only way.”

He knew this so well. Ukitake kept pushing and pushing it though. Wasn't it clear that he did not want to follow through with this? He understood everything perfectly. There wasn't anything he did not understand. He knew damn well that this was the best way to handle things for now. It was the best way right now to keep the Hollow in check. This was just the kind of situation that involved an incredible ability to really accept the idea fully. Hitsugaya at the moment lacked such, perhaps of the fact he was scared of giving it so much freedom that it would go through the cracks and break through, even if it was even an iota of it. Though a hint of anger arose as Ukitake's words left behind an after image in his mind, where he would take into consideration. And how exactly did he know? As much as he trusted the man, could he really believe the man when he has that to say about the close encounter?

“It wasn't trying to take over. If he had been he would have, Toshiro. Don't you see? All he wants is some freedom, give it that and events like that won't even happen.”

He opened his mouth slightly to try and say something against that, but he bit his tongue, catching his thoughts before they were to leave his mouth. He was just about to make things more difficult. A frustrated grunt was instead sounded in place of the words, showing to be much better than his previous selection of words. Damn it, he couldn't just say thing just to justify himself. There was no point to it. The old man was not going to drop it anytime soon, no matter what was said. There was no longer any point. Nor was there any point of even going back to Kusaka. Despite the fact he wanted to be by the young man's side, he couldn't be his wall. Kusaka had torn down the wall he was previously, before everything, so if the boy were to fall, he would have nothing to lean against, nothing to hold him up. He would just fall, hard. Maybe then, some sense would be knocked into that damned man. Damn him for doing this! The thought made him sick and the Hollow reared up again. A gasp escaped him from the sudden shock of the Hollow and he gripped the sheets tightly. He felt like he was going to vomit, but the feeling soon receded, and the Hollow hid away again. Toshiro could swear the Hollow was trying to break him.

He stopped his thoughts quickly, and the Hollow receded away, but only the gods knew for how long. He wasn't sure, and he wasn't sure when it would rear up again. Hopefully it was not anytime soon, or ever again; he knew the latter would not be possible. There had to be a way. His teal eyes gazed as the ground before they slowly traced back up, meeting Jushiro's brown eyes.

“I see this, and I can grasp why, however if you really did understand then you'd accept. Understanding doesn't just come from knowing everything about what it is you face, rather, it comes from the acceptance of that knowledge.”

That was the issue. Acceptance. He understood the workings behind it all, but, he could not come to terms with it, and that, according to Ukitake's explanation, meant that the boy did not really understand the situation, even if he knew exactly what the man was talking about. Hitsugaya did not need this. Putting a palm on his forehead and dragging it down his face, he sighed in thought. Just what in the world was he to do? To Ukitake the answer was simple, to Hitsugaya, the answer was there, but it wasn't clear, and therefore he was taking cautious steps into unknown territory. Whether he made it through alive and well or not all depended on whether he went into the fog or not. They say you should take risks, but, was that saying invalid to Toshiro's predicament? After all, if he took the risk and failed, the he would be putting so much people in danger, and he would have almost no control over it. This was why he was so hesitant. What if it didn't work?

“I know you can't accept this, and I'm not trying to make you, however people have to do things they don't like in life. If the pros outweigh the cons then despite the risks it's worth it. Let me help, it'll be fine, please just listen.”

He didn't want any cons though. With a problem such as this, did you really have to risk having any? Perhaps, but it was still clouded in his mind.

He took a breath and jumped. He had knowledge. Now he needed to understand. He sighed. "Promise me you're right about this..." He said, more calm than he was before in this entire conversation. He hit the murky water, unsure if he was going to be able to see through. The boy closed his eyes and though deeply for a moment on what he was about to say."I will try this...", but more than anything, he wanted to be able swim with someone there to keep him from drowning. This was a new experience.

Hopefully, he wouldn't reach the bottom.

[Jushiro Ukitake]

"Promise me you're right about this... I will try this..."

Smiling he couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief. Finally, progress. The problem her though was that he could not promise it totally, even working with the hollow there was a chance that it would still push to take over if something happened that it did not appreciate. He would not lie to the boy, and so he could not promise this would work fully and always. What he did know though was that is was a much better option than this, the boy could not live in fear of this for the rest of his life, the strain of that would be far to much for him to handle, and eventually he would crumble to dust. Whilst by no means perfect this was the best idea, and so he would back it. “I cannot,” he stated gently. He could promise everything would work out, and that he was totally certain of. No one though was ever a hundred percent correct, they could be certain that they would be right, but there was never any form of certainty that they would be. There was always room for error. When said room was small then it was perfectly acceptable to give a promise, but with an error space this large... The honest man didn't feel right to give certainty that could fall through, even if in his mind he was sure that it would not.

“However,” he started, tone becoming more upbeat. “I can promise that there is a very high chance that I am.” He believed he was, but he simply could not bear the thought of giving this boy false hope that could be cut down at any given time. He would not let himself do that knowing how much pain it would cause the small captain. “I'm near sure that this will work, Toshiro, however I cannot be absolutely certain.” One couldn't actually blame him for this degree of unknowing, this was not something he had ever had to face before, and indeed was unlikely to ever meet again. If he were honest he wished he'd have never come across it now, but not in the way of not meeting the boy, no, he'd have rather the poor child not have this problem at all, it was cruel and unfair. For all the suffering he'd endured in his short life, this just seemed so wrong. It would have been depressing to him if he were capable of falling to such a state of mind. Instead it merely saddened him, placing a dark cloud over the usually sunny mood he'd face with things. Through it he smiled though, it was all he could do.

Standing he walked toward the boy. “What I can promise with certainty though,” he offered, sitting himself on the edge of the futon. “Is that if I'm wrong, or even right, I'll always be there for you.” He would, there was nothing else he'd strive more to accomplish. In he life he always sought to help those around him, and so he did. What meant more though was that he'd given his word to do so, he did not lie. Ukitake was amongst the most honest of people that could ever be found. If he gave his word he'd simply do everything and anything possible to help him, he'd die before his word was broken, and even if Toshiro rejected help Ukitake would refuse his rejection. He could be the most annoying person imaginable in some cases, as long as the other was not fighting for honor he would be by their side through everything, even if they tried to cut him down for it. That was the beauty of someone who cared though, they'd do everything they could to support others. “Friends never give up on each other, Toshiro, no matter what.” Smiling he pressed his hands together, locking his fingers together as he did. “You're not alone, don't forget that else you'll falter. You have people who'll help you through anything.” The older man would ensure this did not happen, he would never let the boy fall from his perch on the world.

[Toshiro Hitsugaya]

“I cannot, however, I can promise that there is a very high chance that I am. I'm near sure that this will work, Toshiro, however I cannot be absolutely certain.

He knew that, but at least the old man promised something. Hitsugaya wanted nothing more than reassurance at this point. He really hoped Ukitake's suggestion would work out in the end. He really did. Yes, there was always leeway for problems, but, hopefully they wouldn't have to come to problems, or, at least not too many. How was he going to go through with this though. How was he to go about doing this? There was so much to really think about, and so much to risk. But he had to take risks. At this point, everything was risky. Being back in the Soul Society was a giant risk on his own, but he did it out of the desire to flee back to somewhere he considered "safe". It was just instinct really. Everyone fled to where they felt safest, and at this point, the Soul Society was the best place, despite the fact that he could be executed if caught with the Hollow division of his soul. Augh, what was he to do? He ran fingers through his dove hair, fingers running through strands, only to have them spring up, spiked up as they naturally where.

“What I can promise with certainty though, is that if I'm wrong, or even right, I'll always be there for you.”

At least, he could be sure of that, and Hitsugaya knew, that deep within, Ukitake would most certainly be able to fulfill that promise. Something like that, coming from the old man, was genuine. Jushiro would not lie about something like that, nor did he even think for a second that Ukitake would indeed go against his word. He would not, and for that the boy was grateful. He had at least certainty in that. Everything else though, while Ukitake was sure of it to work, there was still a big gap for mishaps, so everything was still up in the air. How risky this all was.

“Friends never give up on each other, Toshiro, no matter what. You're not alone, don't forget that else you'll falter. You have people who'll help you through anything.”

The word was not foreign to him, but it wasn't something that you could relate to with the boy. The old man had a point. He had people; he Ukitake, he had Rangiku, he had Momo. They were the most prominent people in his life. And even if they are there for him, he didn't go to either of them when he returned to the Soul Society. He had been left on his own, the way he wanted to be. Away from others as to not hurt them. That was how he wanted to stay until he solved all this. That plan obviously backfired due to the arrival of Ukitake. But maybe it was something that should have happened. He should have wanted someone to come. It was better to be with someone and face the problem together than face it alone. Though he couldn't endure what would happen had he done it of his own choice. He was afraid of an accident, like what happened to Ukitake's arm, and he was afraid of causing more damage. An understandable fear.

He looked up at Ukitake, tired turquoise eyes fixed on his warm brown eyes, thinking about how to word what he wanted to say next. It was a curious question, No harm in asking it, although, he knew very well what was to come if he brought it up though. Releasing a frustrated sigh, he closed his eyes for a few moments to really think about this. He did not want to speak of it. He did not want to discuss it. It was his personal business, but he supposed that the topic would be brought up anyway. After all, Ukitake was [bound to ask "where have you been this whole time" or "how did you even get the Hollow?" or something along those lines. They all pointed to talking about Kusaka, and was not what he particularly wanted. It would hurt to talk about it, and it would hurt to think about it. Overall it just wasn't something that was particularly "up for discussion". Might as well. Being asked about it would more or less make the young captain feel uncomfortable.

"I suppose you are wondering about where I was." He stated calmly, looking up at Ukitake once more as he folded his hands together, resting his head on his fingers. "Nothing went according to plan, obviously." That much he was comfortable saying.

And nothing more. He wouldn't take the topic any further than that on his own. If Ukitake wanted to know more, then the man would have to just keep asking, and be persistent about it, because it was not the kind of conversation Toshiro would be willing to have. Though at the moment, he figured that he shouldn't shoot anything down at this point. He was going to force himself to answer them, despite what Ukitake might ask. It was bothersome in some aspects, but, he wasn't going to help himself by rejecting, denying, or ignoring. None of that was going to work, and he knew that very well. Time to face the reality of it all. The only way that he could really accept this was to talk about it, and he knew damn well that was a whole other ask on it's know.

[Jushiro Ukitake]

At the silence he could say nothing. It was hard for him to say if the boy truly had accepted what he'd said, but from the words and lack of further argument he could only presume that it had at least gotten through. Ukitake knew well enough that he could push the matter all he wanted, but in the end it would be totally down to Toshiro, Ukitake could only be a guide, he could not and would not force his hand, and nor would he ever do that to anyone. The one fundamental right that everyone had was in making their own decisions, no one was high enough to take that given right for any reason, no he, not the council, and not the king.

"I suppose you are wondering about where I was."

It had been the first thing he had thought as soon as he had seen the boy, it had been the question burning at the front of his mind for a good while now, and yet the one he was the hardest pressed to ask. It was no doubt going to be a sore subject, the young captain was the sort to take defeat hard, defeat on a normal scale anyway. Being hollowfied was certainly not defeat to a normal scale, that was being utterly dominated. The worst was that whilst at first it had been an outside force that had crushed him it had soon become an inner portion of himself that he likely wanted to shun from himself, adamant that it was in no way a part of himself. Yes he wondered, but out of it all his wonderment was outweighed by his desire not to cause the boy anymore pain to the boy who was obviously suffering greatly already. If though he was entering the subject himself then things were easier, though no doubt tact would be needed to deem how far he could go without digging deeper than was actually welcome.

"Nothing went according to plan, obviously."

He stopped to say nothing more, and it seemed that was as far as he was willing to go for now. Very well. “Yes, I see that,” he hushed gently. It seemed that already Toshiro was pushing his comfort zone with the facts that Ukitake had already deemed as obvious knowledge. “But you're alive, so all was not lost,” he reassured, bringing to light a positive in it all. Had he known more about the whole thing then perhaps he could find more, but as it stood that was alas the only one he could bring to mind, even to someone like him this was just... Terrible. In so many things he could find so many positives, this though was perhaps one of the most diabolical things that had ever passed his knowledge, it wasn't something he could in good mind stand for. Through it though the kind captain was showing just how incredibly stubborn he could be, he would not show his own worry, not to be strong, but to keep the focus on the real issue at hand.

“Would you like to know something?” He suddenly asked, seemingly diverting from the likely expectancy that he'd ask questions on the matter. “They say it's better to talk about your troubles.” It was a topic that would seem cliché, for the moment at least. “In many ways it's true, but you must be ready first.” You must have learned to understand what had happened, even if that understanding was in understanding that you didn't understand. It was strange, but talking about it before you were subconsciously ready could in some cases be an ultimately huge mistake, it was not one that should be made. “When you're ready I'm here.” He was, and he would be. Most other people would have demanded answers, but he saw clearly that was not the best way, the boy would no doubt tell him eventually, but on his own grounds in his own time, as it should be. “First though you should finish eating before it gets cold.” And did that not just describe him perfectly, worrying about the boy's health and welfare rather than gaining information.

[Toshiro Hitsugaya]

“Yes, I see that, but you're alive, so all was not lost.”

It was quite obvious Ukitake was trying to steer this in to better light. He couldn't object. That seemed to be the best thing at the moment. If he kept driving into the negativity, he was sure to crash. What Ukitake asked next was sort of... unexpected. Not surprising from a man who just seemed rather unpredictable.

“Would you like to know something?"

The boy perked his head up slightly. Now what was about to come out of this old man's mouth now? He raised a white brow as his gaze was fixed on the older death god's.

“They say it's better to talk about your troubles. In many ways it's true, but you must be ready first. When you're ready I'm here.”

He blinked. Well, there was something he hadn't expected. Though the last bit, he didn't quite get. He understood the fact that you should be comfortable first, which he wasn't at the moment. That much he understood, though Ukitake was bound to have given it more meaning, and thus it is all too likely Toshiro had misinterpreted it. He figured though, he was close enough. He had to feel the actual desire to speak of the matter, not necessarily because it was desired. He let out a small sigh and stretched his arms out as far as he could. He hadn't moved much, and the need to flex got the better of him. Though, he was careful not to knock anything over, like the tray and glass that was still by him. He made a point move that before he began conversing with Ukitake. But his turquoise eyes flicked over the almost empty bowl for a moment when the old man mentioned it. Right now, Jushiro was the only person here for him, and to be honest, he'd rather have one person, than too many, especially when there was all the risk of harming them in his current state.

“First though you should finish eating before it gets cold.”

The youth rolled his eyes a bit. "I really doubt in this small span of time it did." He answered a bit of a snarky tone. Though a more serious subject came to mind. "How long do you think I have to stick around here?"

Well, it was a question that needed to be brought up at some point. He took the tray back over his lap and this time, slowly ate the remaining food that was in the bowl, even though it wasn't much. He had not eaten in quite a while, no thanks to Kusaka... goddamnit. He had to stop thinking about him. It was hard not to, though. His appearance during his mission was more than just a shock. If anything he was burned into his memory now more than ever. Instead of being a shady little memory in the back of his head, he stood out, his face clear as day and his icy, older voice ringing in his ears, his vile words running through his body like venom. It was almost like a poison. Toshiro frowned a bit at the thought. Why though... why did it all have to end up like this? This was so messed up, yet at the same time, it was like punishment for almost forgetting. At this point, he'd never make that mistake again.

A long sigh escaped his lips as an almost solemn look creeped onto his face without him knowing. Quickly, he shook his head a bit, as if that was going to push the thoughts away and returned his countenance back to that of his normal, serious demeanor. That black-haired man was going to be the end of him at this rate. Hitsugaya gently placed the chopsticks down against the tray next to the now empty bowl and glass. He was still in a deep trance of sorts. There was just so much to think about. This all, just wasn't right. Perhaps, asking Ukitake about this feeling would help. but at the same time, he wasn't sure if the man would understand. He slowly looked back up to the man.

"What would you do..." He started out slowly, trying to word this without it sounding too confusing. "...if something you lost, came back, but was just somehow different... that you couldn't just accept it?" He blinked slowly. "How would you deal with it?"

More or less, that's how he honestly felt about this whole matter. Kusaka was the thing was lost in his life, and he had come back, but, he was just somehow different, to the point where Hitsugaya wanted almost nothing to do with him anymore. He didn't want to accept Kusaka's offer of joining him in the least, His ways were twisted into something unjust. At the same time though, he didn't want to leave that young man alone any longer. More isolation would be the fall of him, and no one to support him. Toshiro was doing this right now, he realized that, but he was just so torn and split. This wasn't the best way, but it was the best way for the dove-haired boy to survive. He couldn't help Kusaka incapacitated, and the Hollow wasn't helping. He needed to have this sorted soon. He lifted a leg while placing and elbow on his though, his fingers pressing against his forehead, shaking his head in thought slightly. This was just a mess.

[Jushiro Ukitake]

"I really doubt in this small span of time it did."

There was the boy he knew so well, below every battered soul beat the strong heart, the core, the heart. Toshiro was still there, the boy he'd seen growing into what had the potential to be someone incredible, he was strong, so very strong. “And how do you know that, hm~?” With a mild chuckle he just shock his head, not particularly amused, but attempting to lighten the mood regardless. “Just hush yourself down and listen to your elders~” He didn't expect him to, not really, no, he knew the boy tended to shut himself down during meetings when people started bickering on like crotchety old fools, frankly he didn't at all blame the dove haired boy for it, he'd do the same if he thought he could get away with it, alas he knew better than that. The burden of experience~ No, of course his goal here was not to shut the boy up, far from it, more he was simply giving him the chance to be who he actually was by pulling at all the right strings. He wasn't intending to be offensive, and indeed it was unlikely the younger captain would take it as such. Really it was all in good spirit, all to get some sharp quip out of him.

"How long do you think I have to stick around here?"

A good question, one that had likely been on the boys mind for a while. “As long as you please,” he offered out, rubbing his neck slowly before looking at the roof in thought. “I won't make you stay of course, you're free to leave when you please, however as long as you wish it my home's open to you.” It was, there was no doubt. As long as the boy was here he was under Ukitake's protection, and whilst some may have underestimated that it would be a mistake to judge what he was capable of as poor due to his health. “As long as you are here though, keep your spiritual pressure hidden and Hyorinmaru with you. It's generally customary for people not to carry weapons in the homes of others, but it's for the best.” Logic really when you put any thought at all into it as was necessary. “Obviously my siblings are around and about too, they know better than to say anything in the event they do see you here, whether you wish to interact with them or not is entirely up to you, do as you see fit.” It was possible the boy didn't actually know Ukitake had siblings, he was fairly sure they'd not met before, though it was possible he'd mentioned one or two of them in passing, right now he couldn't say.

"What would you do... if something you lost, came back, but was just somehow different... that you couldn't just accept it? How would you deal with it?"

Blinking he furrowed his brows slightly. An odd question, one that lightly spoke many meanings he could not yet understand.“Fight,” he stated in all simplicity. “If you liked it before and no longer do then the change was abnormal.” It was a true enough statement, changes to that scale meant you had either changed, or something had been forced. The way he spoke, the way he distanced the subject, objectifying it, the one conclusion he reached was that it wasn't a something, rather, a someone. People did not suddenly change in a way you could not accept without a reason, if they did then they were never that person to begin with. People had a core personality that never changed, it could be bent and twisted, but in the end it would always coil back to what it was, simply with contorted images about it. The world could seem a cruel place if taken on face value, it was always the depth that mattered. It was simply a fact that some people were not as adept at seeing this depth, they could learn, especially when they were as intelligent as Toshiro, but it took time, and it seemed the boy was looking for a more immediate solution in things.

There was no quick fix for something like this though, none were present though, not for this. “I'd fight to bring back the pieces of the whole that were missing. If it cannot be accepted then I would fight to fix it.... If it was something worth fixing.” Running fingers through his hair he could simply think, trying to follow it up appropriately. It was such an awkward topic really, without knowing the exact basis it was hard for him to found any proper guidance. “I know if I cared about something and lost it it'd hurt, I know also that if I cared I wouldn't let a change destroy that... I'd look for the cause and pull it down so I could take back what was stolen.” He strove to protect what and who he cared for, he'd stop at near nothing to keep them safe, in his mind there was no room for failure in that mission. Nothing would stand in his way, even when everything seemed dark, when it all seemed crushing. “Even if it hurt me I would. Though I have no doubt the more it hurt the more I'd fight, no one has any right to take from us what we care for. There's no justice in that.”

Finalizing it with a shrug he looked the boy over carefully, trying to determine what he was thinking, what he was feeling. It would come to nothing until the boy spoke though, until then he could not judge if what he was saying was for better or for worse, it was truly it was, but sometimes discretion was best used for these things. Right now he was unable to use such, all he could do was speak and hope that it helped. “That's just me though, in the end we must all decide our own paths by following our heart. The words of another can reassure and guide you, but in the end only you will know the right path.” Out of everything that was perhaps the singular most important thing, he could give all the advice in the world, yet in the end Toshiro would have to follow his own heart. Yes he was speaking from his own, and thus his words were accurate, but his heart and the boy's before him were very different, what was right for Ukitake may not have been right for Toshiro.

[Toshiro Hitsugaya]

“And how do you know that, hm~? Just hush yourself down and listen to your elders~”

The boy rolled his eyes and huffed. "Whatever..." his tones were almost back to what he'd normally use.

     It felt rather good that the tension that was there only moments ago had been lifted somewhat. He quite liked the fact he felt more comfortable using his normal tones and normal responses. He knew that his problems weren't solved, in fact, they were far from it. He just was going to just take in the moment, now, as it is, as a small break from all the pressing matters he had to now contend with. It was no doubt Ukitake was helping with his mood. His guidance and his assurance made Toshiro feel at ease, almost. Not quite, but he felt something close to it. His problems would not be gone unless he faced them head on, and he was going to. Sooner or later, he was going to fix everything, and hopefully, things would be as close to normal as they now possibly can. It was assured that Hitsugaya's life had been changed, almost literally, to a change that will stick with him to the day he dies, but, he knew he was going to strive to reach a lifestyle close to that of is old one. He never thought it would have to come to this, but here it was, and here was something new he would have to get over, but in the end, he'd get there. He listens to the older death god's words carefully.

"As long as you please. I won't make you stay of course, you're free to leave when you please, however as long as you wish it my home's open to you. As long as you are here though, keep your spiritual pressure hidden and Hyorinmaru with you. It's generally customary for people not to carry weapons in the homes of others, but it's for the best. Obviously my siblings are around and about too, they know better than to say anything in the event they do see you here, whether you wish to interact with them or not is entirely up to you, do as you see fit.”

     He nodded slowly as he made a note of each thing, the most obvious being about his spiritual pressure and zanpakuto, and the most important about when he could leave and stay. Something began clicking in his head. His hands folded under his chin and his teal eyes moved to the lower corner of his vision, thinking deeply, calculating. He knew very well that he was going to leave. He had a feeling soon, but he had not decided when and how. Perhaps when everyone else would fall into slumber, he would leave silently. Or perhaps that was too soon of a time. His finger tapped his knuckle as he thought more about the matter. He didn't want to seem like a burden-Ukitake had done enough already- so if he stayed he did not want to stay too long either, nor could he anyway, because chances were that Kusaka wasn't going to just laze around while Hitsugaya was missing. No, that boy he once knew was put away, and a new face was more controlling. There was an extremely high chance Kusaka was going to come here. He wasn't sure when, but he was coming, that was for certain. His trance of thought broke, his eyes darting to meet with the long-haired man's, his head quickly lifted off his knuckles, attentive to the words he spoke.

“Fight. If you liked it before and no longer do then the change was abnormal.”

     He sighed. The young captain already had this in mind, he just didn't know how to go about doing it. But the change to Kusaka, that wasn't abnormal. It was even expected. If one was exiled, of course they'd change in some form of way. They're views would dim to what had exiled them, and of course some grim thoughts would come to mind. Knowing this, Hitsugaya was still rather surprised. Why? Because the young boy didn't think it would ever come down to Kusaka doing such a vile thing such as Hollowfication to him. What was his goal? What was his reason? He wanted to know at least that.

“I'd fight to bring back the pieces of the whole that were missing. If it cannot be accepted then I would fight to fix it.... If it was something worth fixing. I know if I cared about something and lost it it'd hurt, I know also that if I cared I wouldn't let a change destroy that... I'd look for the cause and pull it down so I could take back what was stolen. Even if it hurt me I would. Though I have no doubt the more it hurt the more I'd fight, no one has any right to take from us what we care for. There's no justice in that.”

     Yes, yes, that was all so true, and it only made the desire to help Kusaka more intense. The Kusaka Toshiro had known very well was the boy who was very kind at heart, outgoing, and sought to protect and defend the Soul Society. Now, that boy had disappeared, and all that remained was a broken young man who wanted nothing more than to destroy it. But that was it. Sojiro was broken. Things that were broken, at least most of the time, could be fixed, some how, some way, there was a way to repair the damage. It wouldn't be a quick fix, that much was known. But overtime, hopefully, he'd find the kind demeanor he so longed to see again. This new persona of Kusaka's hurt him emotionally. It was just so sad to see someone who would've probably become something great fall so low...

“That's just me though, in the end we must all decide our own paths by following our heart. The words of another can reassure and guide you, but in the end only you will know the right path.”

The boy shook his head and sighed, his single bang falling over his eye as he lowered his head down a bit and closed his eyes. "No, you're right..." He said, his tones changing a bit to something more down. "I want to fix it, so that it doesn't become unrepairable..."

     Something clicked. It was clear as to what he had to do, Ukitake's words only reinforcing the thought. From the folded knuckles his head lowered so that his chin rested on them once more as he thought more about the matter. It was decided. Once everyone had gone to rest, he would take his leave ever so quickly. There was much time to loose. The sooner he confronted the problem, hopefully the better. That and odds were high that Kusaka was going to come here and wreak some havoc. It was sad to know that this boy was now contradicting all that he formally stood for. Is this what happens when one is exiled and for so long? Hopefully, Ukitake would not interfere. This was a matter between he and his best friend. Toshiro would not allow for anyone else to get in the way. The problem was between them, and only them. It wasn't going to be an easy task, but he had to do it...

     With a deep sigh, the young death god laid back down on the futon and gazed at the ceiling, still thing about everything. Why did this have to be so damned difficult to just sort out? He closed his eyes once more before releasing a long sigh, and slowly opening them again. He glanced over the old man before he proceeded to glance over at Hyorinmaru, sheathed in the corner on the other side of the room. Already, he knew what he was to do. His eyes flicked back to Ukitake.

"It's been a long day..." He said tiredly. It has.

     The point was not to shoo the old man away, but more signifying that they both should get some shut eye, which was quite true. Both were probably extremely stressed over what had occurred, and sleep would probably fix some of the problems. Though Hitsugaya was not planing on sleeping tonight. While he was a bit tired, he could not rest properly until he was able to see Kusaka at least once more and hopefully get some things straight, Until then, he did not want to be too far from the twisted young man. Instead Hitsugaya needed to go to him, as opposed to the other way around. This was complicated, but it had to be done at some point. Cross fingers Ukitake does send himself to sleep or something so that perhaps the boy could make his getaway. Not out of the fact he didn't want to be around, but the fact he needed to save his friend.