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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Feb 2, 2010 16:53:46 GMT -5
What had it been now, how many hours? He was certainly unsure, what he did know was that the night was progressing, the moon was high and casting it's light out across the sky. This night had been so strange, and so utterly devastating, though not so much for him. The boy he'd brought here was the one suffering, the one who'd been pushed to pay such a terrible price. Keeping his chin rested upon his chest, eyes closed as if seemingly asleep, he hardly was. Rather he was simply sat upon his chair, beside the resting boy, waiting. For what he didn't know, something, anything... Perhaps for him to wake up, perhaps for someone undesired to arrive, or then perhaps for the hollow to rear up again. He could be waiting for any or all of these things, no one could really be sure, it was clear though, in all these reasons it was for the boy's benefit, he'd perhaps detest the attention, but still... In Ukitake's mind it was needed. All of this was, the matter was so utterly complex, how was he at all meant to contend with this? For now he'd just follow the course he deemed right, that was all he could do on the matter.
Giving a vague sigh he ran fingers through his hair, he'd done everything he could for him, brought him somewhere he'd perhaps be safer, he'd given warmth and a bed (obviously removing the boy's zanpakuto and propping it in a corner), he even provided protection and comfort... He only hoped that all of this could perhaps go some small way to helping him. Would it really though? He wasn't so sure, he knew full well that the child had issues in trusting other people to help him, even though he actually trusted weren't often relied upon, and this was perhaps the biggest tragedy of this whole thing. He was dealing with this alone, though Ukitake was there in some ways he may as well have not been. He could say anything he wanted, but as long as the boy was closing his heart off it would mean nothing. He'd persist though, in a matter like this gently pushing for a long period of time could cause the other to start to open up without either knowing or meaning to. It was a slow and long progress, but if it worked then wasn't it altogether worth it in the long run? He believed so, yes.
With a glance around the room his eyes settled on the boy, was this really enough? He was doing all he could, here at least he'd be safer and far more comfortable, but still... At the end of the day he felt he should be doing more than just sitting and watching, he wanted a solution, he wanted to help the boy, though now keep the promises he'd made to the other part of his soul... How would he do that though? Right now if he tried he knew very well that the boy was all to likely to have a breakdown or simply shut down totally, he didn't want that, he didn't want that at all. At the end of the day though perhaps that was the solution. If he could persuade the boy to work with the hollow in him it was likely the thing would more refrain from seeking utter control, something that may one day cause the total loss of the boy's mind, he didn't want that. Whilst Toshiro was his main concern he had indeed given his word, and despite the fact it had been to a hollow he fully wanted to keep it, as was his way and nature in life. Perhaps some would deem it wrong of him though...
Dropping his head to his chest once more eyes closed as he rubbed his arm, it was tender, it would be for a little while no doubt, but honestly it was nothing severe enough to cause him any tremendous difficulties, to one like him it was a simple scratch. He'd of course cleaned it, bandaging it tightly after, it would scar, but in his mind the physicality of it was hardly important, rather his main concern were the mental implications it had upon the boy. Still, having changed into a light blue Kosode with a blackened sash no blood was evident, he could only hope that would go some small way to easing the youth's troubled mind. All he could really do now was wait for him to awaken, he'd simply sit and wait, somewhat like a diligent caregiver or parent, though, this was indeed just a part of the kind man's nature, he wanted to help... By nature he wanted to protect the boy and keep him safe, he wanted to relieve him of his burden even though he knew well enough that he couldn't. It was all built on so many desires to help, and it was through this also that even if the captain was to awaken he'd say nothing, not until Hitsugaya said something first. In times like this sometimes it was better to allow the other to decide the terms and time of conversation.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Feb 3, 2010 23:26:49 GMT -5
Even now, while such time passed, and with all the muddled thoughts, the boy did not stir the slightest. Not even all the things that were running through his mind right now disturbed his slumber. It was just so deep, and it felt so relaxing to him. Until this point in time, he had never had such a good slumber in quote a while. He needed all the rest he could get if he was going to keep up with all the mishaps that have been occurring lately. He needed his sharp mind tuned, and regain total focus upon the matters at hand. There was so much Hitsugaya needed to catch up on. If only he had all the time in the world, then perhaps it would have all worked out far more smoothly. But, this wasn't the case, and therefore he had to use his ken intelligence to help solves this matter. One thing was for sure though: he couldn't do it alone. Without help, all of what he wanted and intended to do would go wrong, or he wouldn't be able to accomplish them at all. But who would aid him with all this? Perhaps with dealing with the Hollows in the World of the Living and whatever ruckus would be going on up here, the rest of the Seireitei, but with his Hollow problem? No one, except himself, unless, Ukitake wanted to include himself... which was very likely. He at least was someone, and someone smart, and someone who had the heart to, most importantly.
Though finally, the youth shifted to his side, as if laying n his back was beginning to bother him. It was evident that his sleep was beginning to lighten. It was all simply due to the fact he was worried. He was worried that the Hollow would emerge once more if he slept too long. That was another thing the captain needed to figure out. What exactly triggered the Hollow? There must have been something. Something had to have affected Hitsugaya and cause the Hollow to rear up. The problem with that, was that Toshiro had already been under the influence to really have the chance to figure it out. It was frustrating, no less, and he wanted answers. Answers that would help him in the long run, and if they helped him, then it would help everyone around him. Reasons as to why the boy was burdened with such was unknown except to Hitsugaya himself. Kusaka did it... damned bastard... but even then, the white haired youth could not bring himself to utterly loath the other. Call him crazy for not, but something within him told him that he could not just yet sever such a connection.
He was going to find a way, he was, no matter what it took. He would to anything to have a normal life again, or, at least have something close to it again. Why must his life turned into something close to a tragic theatre? This wasn't right, not at all. He searched through his mind. An endless plain was seen in complete darkness, only the few flakes of white snow seen flowing by, being carried by a cool wind. The ground was chalky and slippery, vacant of any vegetation or life. The one person who could help him right now in such a state, was his zanpakuto spirit, Hyorinmaru. Whenever Hitsugaya needed guidance, Hyorinmaru would be there, in his soul, to speak with him and help him and his heart find the right path. The boy walked through the plain, dark, icy landscape that was his inner world. The echos of his footsteps went on fore yards until it faded off forever. There was nothing, nothing except him. 'Hyorinmaru!' he would call out, and the voice carried through the landscape. No answer. One more try. 'Hyorinmaru!' and then a loud roar came into audible distance, so loud that Toshiro could have sword it was right next to him. That wasn't Hyorinmaru... where was Hyorinmaru?! Though the roar startled him awake before he could do anything about it.
Teal eyes shot open quickly with a gasp escaping his mouth, expressing surprise and shock. What the hell was that. That was defiantly not the ice dragon that called Hitsugaya's inner world home. That was... he played it back again in his mind. The... Hollow... but... why? What had it done to Hyorinmaru?! What the hell was even going on in his own mind?! Bad enough he hadn't been clear in the head lately, but this is ridiculous! Though he came to take in what was going on in the outer world- the real world. His eyelids returned to a normal state as his eyes looked around. Huh... this wasn't the old shack he was in just- he looked at the window that was right across the room through another door opening. It was nighttime- hours ago. He then looked back in his memories. That's right he knocked out in Ukitake's arms. This was probably where the thirteenth's captain lived. It felt good to be in a comfortable futon for once. The ground and whatnot paled in comparison. That's right...
The boy sat up slowly, rubbing the top of his head as he did so. He looked at the man's brown eyes as he began to speak. "How long has it been?" He inquired rather sluggishly, still coming to his senses. He sighed once more, another thought coming to mind. "How is your arm?" He needed to ask that, if not to just be nice then to ease his conscious.
All this, had been indubitably strange. But this was how Toshiro's life was going to be from now one, and there was no changing that, unless there was some kind of miracle thing out there that got rid of Hollows that came from people's souls. If something can create them then something can destroy them, can it? Another sigh escape his lips. Probably not... and that was the saddening part of it all. His eyelids lowered and a small frown tugged at the edges of his mouth, looking at the floor in thought. And here he was, thinking he could find out who was behind the Hollow attacks that had formally been occurring in the world of the living, To think such a job had become this wrong. Maybe fate just wanted him to end up this way, to have something hold him back. Well he wasn't going to let it hold him back any longer. He was going to do something about it. It was what he desired, and by gods he was going to do it, or at least try.
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Feb 5, 2010 19:48:45 GMT -5
As the boy shifted, gasping shortly after Jushiro once more opened his eyes, fixing them on the boy. He said nothing, neither did. Hitsugaya seemed more intent on trying to work out his surroundings, something both understandable and expected. He just gave him time, time to decide on anything he needed to think about, time to phrase anything he wanted to say... Just time. Sometimes something so trivial could mean the world at a time like this, sometimes you really needed to just set your head straight, Ukitake knew this well enough. Despite seeming to be over bearing he did understand these concepts, far better than most others did. He many a time knew the best moves to make someone feel better, it was more a task of knowing the person well enough to know what they'd want, thankfully he was a good judge of character, and also knew this young captain. He could help, he knew so well that he could help if only Toshiro would be willing to let him.
"How long has it been?"
How long? He'd lost track accurately, he could no longer much hope to give an accurate guess, he just couldn't. "A few hours," he instead responded. He was pleased in a way that it had been that long, the boy certainly needed to rest, it was just good to see that he was indeed getting it. Every part of him just wanted to protect the boy, to keep him safe, as was how he felt about any other... Like Rukia... Rukia. Where was she? Would Toshiro know? He wasn't sure he would, he knew the boy well enough, if Rukia had been involved in the same matters as Toshiro she'd have likely been with him, that was heartning at least. Heavens knew the poor girl had suffered enough, just as the child before him had. He didn't really think it fair. How could the world and the people in it justify doing this to someone so young as Toshiro? Justice seemed to be falling from the ideal path he saw, he needed to get it back on track, and soon too before things went further wrong.
"How is your arm?"
He'd known that was coming, he really had. Just smiling he patted it with his other arm, not much bothering with the fact it was both painful and stupid to do so. "Fine, thank you, please don't worry about that." No, there were more important matters to deal with, and by some luck the boy seemed to have at least partially stabilized his mindset. Still though, he wouldn't ask how, not yet... Not so soon. He would, there was no doubt at all about that, but right now he had a feeling that would make things so terribly worse. He didn't want that. Instead he stood, walking forward a ways before sitting on the edge of the bed, pressure still nothing at all. He was no fool, he knew well enough that was what had scared the hollow, he didn't want it coming out again before he got a handle on what was going on here. Under a normal situation he'd have asked if the other was okay, but right now... Right now that seemed so stupid, it just seemed rude and without understanding. "You're a brave boy, Toshiro," he offered instead. He was, he really was. If Ukitake hadn't respected the boy utterly before he would have done now, and all with reason. He was indeed brave, very much so.
Folding his hands together on his lap he looked down at him, that smile still there. It was always there, and he hoped it always would be. "Would you like anything? Food, drink?" Unlike in a usual situation he wasn't about to just pile a load of random confectionery on him... Not this time. Besides, the question was more one to build up to something, he hardly expected the boy to take him up on it anyway right now. There... was no real way he could dance around the topic eternally though. He had to bring it up, if not now then never, he really didn't much want to. "How did you regain your mind?" He started slowly. He knew this topic was liable to anger the boy as it progressed, but if he didn't do something the hollow may surface on its own, and really, he didn't want to see the boy lost again. "It was because it let you, it stopped fighting, didn't it?" Rubbing the back of his head slightly he just... Well wondered how to word this without seeming like a moron. Believe it or not he did know what he was doing... He did know what was best...
"I'm so sorry to bring this up so soon... But this needs resolving." Despite there still being traces of that usually happy tone within his voice there was a genuin apology, he was sorry. "Toshiro, can you tell me why you think he let you?" Was it fair to call it an 'it'? He didn't think so, he really didn't. Besides which, calling it an 'it' seemed to objectify it, which under present circumstances didn't much seem right. He could answer the question with something like 'it's because it doesn't want to fight' but that would likely piss the boy off whilst aslo distressing him. No, he wanted the boy to answer, only in him doing that would there be any real understanding. For this to work he had to understand truly in his heart as to why it would have willingly let him take his body back. Ukitake could explain all he wanted, but unless the boy saw for himself what was there... Then he never would.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Feb 11, 2010 10:15:56 GMT -5
"A few hours."
He sighed. Figures. It was dark outside. He lowered his eyes and looked at the ground as he rubbed his face with his palm, as did most people as they started to really wake. That sleep was refreshing, but that one point ruined it. Something was wrong, and now that thought was picking at him. Why hadn't Hyorinmaru come when he had called? Why hadn't he at least responded. Instead, the roar from the Hollow came. That must mean something. This wasn't something that Hitsugaya had ever faced before, so, he didn't know how to deal with it. Instead he had to think about possible outcomes if he took certain actions. But this wasn't like any old puzzle. This was something going on internally, and it wasn't just a personal conflict. Oh no, it was something much more that that. And quite frankly, he didn't even know when to begin thinking. Where to start. Perhaps the Hollow did away with Hyorinmaru? No, then his zanpakuto would have dissipated. He looked up and glanced at the long katana in it's purple sheath all the way at the corner of the room. No, it was still there. What... ugh. Even though this was all going on in his mind, he hadn't the slightest clue as to what exactly was going on. Damn it. His train of thought broke as Ukitake spoke again, looking up at the man with still tired eyes.
"Fine, thank you, please don't worry about that. You're a brave boy, Toshiro. Would you like anything? Food, drink?"
He blinked and raises his head slightly. What? Why was he saying that now? The boy didn't put anymore thought into it. It wasn't important, to him anyways. He didn't consider himself brave. Perhaps he was just modest, but deep inside he was very much afraid. Ukitake may not see it, or not realize it, but it was very much there. The fear he felt from the Hollow. Call him a coward, but, if something was inside of you just waiting to take over your body, then you too, would be afraid. As for the last statement, he merely shook his head. He didn't want to be a burden on the old man after what had just occurred, even though the boy was starving his brains out. He hadn't eaten in quite a while, and his stomach sounded, making it's presence known and wanting to be fed. Toshiro merely grabbed his stomach and flopped back down on the futon. He looked away from the older captain, as if it was instinctual. His eyes lowered at his statement.
"How did you regain your mind? It was because it let you, it stopped fighting, didn't it?"
He widened his eyes angerly. How would he know something like that? How would he know of something that went on within his mind? Ukitake was no psychic, so how could he have known? This was starting to make less sense than it already did. He just nodded his head slowly in a yes. It did stop fighting, but even he didn't know why. He didn't want to get into it but he knew that he was going to be forced to.
"I'm so sorry to bring this up so soon... But this needs resolving. Toshiro, can you tell me why you think he let you?"
He looked down and thought about it. Why would it... this didn't make sense. The Hollow was fighting with him for a long while, so why suddenly stop? He scratched the back of his head, turning his head slightly as he thought more about it. He didn't want to discuss this. He really didn't, but Ukitake had a valid point. This needed resolving. But it wasn't going to be easy resolving it either. But what factors could have... wait. Ukitake said earlier that he made the thing trust him... so maybe, the older captain must have found a way to calm it down. Calming it down would then lead the thing to not want to fight as much, which eventually lead to no fighting. Yes, that was it. And that only further explained that the Hollow was not a vicious as he had originally thought. It was strange, considering Hollows were stereotypically mindless monsters who's only purpose was to kill and consume. Perhaps it was different with these strange Hollows that formed within the mind...
Hitsugaya looked back at Ukitake. "... You did something" He assumed. "You probably swayed it not to, did you not?" for some reason a small hint of anger arose.
He wasn't sure why, but for some reason he was getting somewhat worked up about this. Maybe it was just because he was still very much stressed out, or maybe because it was a sore subject. What ever the reason, this level of aggravation was slowly rising, but right now it was at the point where it was only a wisp. Ugh this was all so wrong. Why was it so... ugh. He couldn't describe it. All he knew was that his life was taking a turn for the worst. He wasn't going to ask 'why me', because he knew exactly why fate had chosen him. It just happened to all fall down in such a way that it had become one big mess of glass, and if you picked up the pieces the wrong way, you were likely to be pricked. It was dicey.
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Feb 17, 2010 12:47:26 GMT -5
As the boy's stomach growled, directly contradicting the boy's given gesture, he stood. “It's not a bother, and you're not a burden, please, don't hesitate to ask if you want something.” With a smile he turned away and simply walked out. He understood why the boy had said no, but what he didn't seem to grasp was that rejecting the help he needed was just going to make things harder for everyone in the long run, which Ukitake knew perfectly was what he was trying to avoid. He wasn't a bother, not at all, Ukitake really didn't at all think he was such, more than anything he was just pleased that the boy was here. This way he was at least safe, here he could be comfortable and away from anything that could harm him, or any that could bring the hollow out. If that happened again... No doubt it would be easier to calm it than the first time, it really hadn't seemed so bad once all was done... It was just doing what instincts instructed. With a somewhat saddened sigh he pulled out rice, various vegetables, and meat that looked to be something along the lines of pork.
It was long since discovered that the beauty of being the oldest of seven siblings was that home skills were damn good, he really wasn't just a captain~ Tapping his chin he quickly diced the meat. What had triggered the hollow to come out? Tossing it into a wok over a flam it hissed sharply. How had he even gotten it? Filling a pan of water he set it to boil before adding Soy Sauce to the searing meat. Was there a way that it could be removed? Washing off the bean sprouts he simply sighed, there had to be something he could do about it all. Tossing the bean sprouts in with the meat the noodles were added to the water before he moved back to the wok and gave everything a firm shake. It wasn't exactly the most fancy of dishes, but it was quick, filling, and it did taste pretty good too. If there was a way to remove the hollow could it be done without killing it? It was foolish... But he didn't want to, not after he'd sworn to help it. Closing his eyes sadly he strained off the noodles, tossing them once or twice to remove excess water before he added them with the still frying meat and sprouts. All he was doing was mixing it all together whilst also sealing the noodles.
Tipping the mass into a bowl, he stepped back and rubbed his neck. He'd done more than would have been a normal portion for the boy's size, but he really wasn't so sure how hungry he was... It was probably safe to do to much, if it got left that was fine~ Pulling out a glass he promptly filled it with orange juice before setting bowl and glass on a tray along with the ever vital chopsticks... In all he'd been what... 15-20 minutes? Not at all very long, whatever, it had perhaps been long enough to leave him alone right now, he... Well he didn't want the boy locking himself in his own mind to brood for to long, that just wasn't good for him. With it balanced on one hand he pushed his way back through the door. “Here, eat this,” he offered almost fondly, handing the tray to him before taking his previous seat. Though gentle it was indeed an order, there was little room for rejection. However from the sound his stomach had made earlier he doubted there'd be all that much resistance now that the food was there before him, free to take.
"... You did something. You probably swayed it not to, did you not?"
The anger didn't much shock him, Toshiro no doubt wished he'd just pulled the mask off and had done with it... If only he could see that Ukitake could simply not attack. “Please, calm yourself...” He'd get nowhere if the boy became angry and frustrated, he needed him as calm as possible, it was the only way. “To a degree, yes... Do you think I'd have been able to do that with an aggressive hollow?” With a half smile he shook his head slightly. “No, I wouldn't. He was driven by fear, nothing more.” Rubbing his face he looked Toshiro over, no doubt what he was saying hurt, and he regretted that, but leaving it would make it no easier for anyone. “I... May have a way to make it easier for you.” He wouldn't like it... He wouldn't... “He was scared you'd push him right down, the only way I reasoned with it was by promising to ask you to stop locking it right down in your mind.” Keeping his eyes firmly on the boy he still managed to retain a serene expression despite the turmoil his words were causing him. “I don't expect you to let him take you over, I don't... Nor does he... However give him more freedom, just let him see what you see...” There was more to it, but these were the basics, Toshiro would rant about the bits he disliked, and then Ukitake would explain more thoroughly, pushing until hopefully the boy would see what he was saying was indeed the correct way to address things...
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Feb 19, 2010 11:48:25 GMT -5
“It's not a bother, and you're not a burden, please, don't hesitate to ask if you want something.”
Eugh whatever. He watched the man walk out of the room before just letting himself fall back on the bed to think to himself. Maybe the moments of peace would do him good. He stared at the ceiling above him, still trying to make sense of everything. Covering his face with both hands before rubbing them up and down, he searched for something within his mind that could be of some informational use. Something that could help him solve this damn problem. There had to be something. He had to have gained something during the two transformations other than just pain and a greater anger. Where where where. Where to begin was actually the hardest part. Once he figured out what the main problem was, he would go for it and try and search out the finer details. Right now he needed to start off broad. For something that was going on within his mind, this was proving to be rather difficult. The awesome smell of food wasn't helping matters either. The boy could swear Ukitake was testing him.
As the man came out, he held a tray of food and drink on one hand and opened the door with the other, that smile still etched on his face. Typical Jushiro. Problem was that, Hitsugaya was actually somewhat bothered by that man's smile. Usually he wouldn't notice it, but now it was especially bothering. Not in an annoying sense but, in a more unsettling way. Toshiro could not for the life of him understand why he was so content, despite matters. That was what unsettled him. The food was place before him, and Ukitake's words were all too inviting.
“Here, eat this.”
The smell. The look. He couldn't resist it. It was right in front of him! There was a pause though. A polite pause. He looked between Ukitake, then to the food, just once. He picked up the chopsticks slowly and wondered where to begin. He was freaking hungry, Ugh. Taking no extra time, the boy began settling himself into the food, but at a rather quick pace. Catching this, the white-haired youth slowed his pace down, but he still consumed it rather quickly. He had not eaten in weeks, and this serving size didn't feel like it was going to hold the boy's hunger for so long. He could swear Kusaka starved him, but that wasn't the matter. No. Don't think about him. Not now. Not after what he had done. Right now, you were eating. Focus on the delicious food right in front of you. It had been so long. And the food's taste didn't help his pace. Even slowed, it was still quick, and he did not pause. He hate as if this had been the best meal of his life. At least he wasn't scarfing it down like nothing. He paused and took a drink from the juice that had been placed on the same tray, chugging that down like nothing. He placed the empty glass down, pausing for a few moments, then his eyes were directed back at Ukitake. You could tell the man was about to say something of importance, so he stopped and listened in, the words not what he had really wanted. From the boy's retort, came another.
“Please, calm yourself... To a degree, yes... Do you think I'd have been able to do that with an aggressive hollow? No, I wouldn't. He was driven by fear, nothing more.”
... What? The boy narrowed his eyes slightly at that. He wasn't liking the conclusions the old man was pulling out.
“I... May have a way to make it easier for you.”
This captain... did he really honestly know what in the world he was saying? He was making it sound too good to be true, but, what came next made the boy seethe in this anger he refused to show.
“He was scared you'd push him right down, the only way I reasoned with it was by promising to ask you to stop locking it right down in your mind. I don't expect you to let him take you over, I don't... Nor does he... However give him more freedom, just let him see what you see...”
"... Are you crazy...?" He said, failing to keep even a small hint of anger out. "Not after everything, and not even before!" Uhm, with a topic like this, it was hard to not loose your calm.
There was no hatred, no despise or disgust, but just plain anger. He did not hate, loathe, anything Ukitake. He was just angered that he would ask such a thing from Toshiro. He was hurt by the Hollow, so, why would he allow it freedom when it did not to him? It didn't make sense. In theory it was the best way, but he didn't agree with it, and he'd rather not let that happen, even if it meant he'd have to struggle through more with it than to just let it roam about in his mind. He would not allow for that. It was a Hollow and he was a Soul Reaper. Even if they were one in the same he didn't like it. He wouldn't let such a vile thing take him over, then expect him to let it more freedom. Such nonsense. It was more like bull, but what could he do. Ukitake was that kind of man who would say such things. Equal rights, but Hitsugaya could not say in any way that he agreed. Not yet, not now, and maybe not ever.
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Feb 22, 2010 12:00:25 GMT -5
(THIS IS WHY Gearr should ALWAYS use a word count BC Sorry for the fucky para lengths <3 XDD!)
"... Are you crazy...?"
He'd have winced, but he expected it and perhaps deserved it. He absolutely refused to apologize, he felt guilty yes, the boy was angry, and thus below it distraught, but he just could not back down. It was for the boy's own good, if he stopped then it were all to possible that he'd lose himself to the hollow, that Ukitake could not at all allow. He had to stop this, and sometimes to help you had to hurt someone, at the end of the day the longest lasting damage from this conversation was that their relationship would be damaged. Whilst loathed to do that he would, but that was just how he worked. This boy could not handle his emotions appropriately, he was turning himself into an emotional wreck, something that was going top make everything so very much worse.
"Not after everything, and not even before!"
He'd have sighed if he didn't see where the boy was coming from, instead he just gave him some sympathetic look, folding his arms into his sleeves to hold his elbows. "If you don't he'll just try and take over again, and if he does he will... Surely you must see that logically this is the best way?" Tilting his head back to look at the roof for a moment he pursed his lips, considering how best to address this. "If you had a child who was scared of the dark how would you leave them alone at night? Obviously you cannot always be there always, but if you leave them alone they scream and shout until you hear." Looking back to him he kept hazel eyes fixed, not lowering them in any form of apology for what he was currently saying to the boy. "You'd leave a light on of course." It was simple, yet it meant more, a lot more. The hollow was the child so to say, and the dark was Toshiro's inner world, it was probably hellish scared of being locked in there. Thus the obvious solution was to leave a light on, or in other words grant some freedom. "Thus what would you do with someone scared of being trapped, someone who'll do anything at all to escape, including taking action in things they don't wish to?" Rubbing his neck he momentarily closed his eyes before continuing. "You'd grant them some freedom to gain their compliance, even if it's only to a minor degree so that they will at least listen to you." It sounded simple, and perhaps it was.
Through this though he of course saw what the boy was scared of, being hurt and hurting others... Ukitake saw that, he truly did. From what he saw though this was unlikely if the situation was dealt with correctly, and right now it was not being. "Please Hitsugaya, I know you're hurting, and I'd never ask this of you if there was another way... But there isn't, not right now." Perhaps there would be one day... If there were any that could deal with this then it would likely be the one banished for the hollowfication of others all those years ago... And then something twigged. Was he linked to this? Personally Ukitake didn't know, but he did doubt it, in honesty he'd never quite believed he'd done it all those years ago... And this event just seemed utterly random, there didn't at all seem to be a reason, yet there must have been. For this to be random was near impossible, for one he'd been called out those weeks ago, and two you didn't get a damn hollow in you by mistake, it was deliberate, always. "Please, just trust me to help you, if anything happens I give you my word that I'll stop you, I won't let anything happen." He wouldn't, but he didn't think it would anyway, not truly.
In his mind the hollow didn't at all seem aggressive, just scared and cornered, somewhat like a dog. It hadn't attacked him in earnest, if it had he'd have lost his arm no doubt, but he hadn't and thus he questioned it... It was not aggressive, which was incredibly lucky for the boy, but he didn't at all seem to understand... "Tell me," he started gently, somewhat out of the blue. "Has anyone ever pinned you into something that you want absolutely nothing to do with? You fight with all you have, even though that's the last thing you want to do." Everyone had been in that position, he himself included. "That's all the hollow is doing... When you fight someone in that situation they just fight back so much harder, in the end everyone involved will be destroyed." Fight for to long and you lose yourself, it was a simple fact of life. "With something like this you must compromise, give them some of what they want to get what you want. He backed down to give you what you wanted, but he did so because he wants more freedom. If you give him that he'll be more liable to let you keep your control." He wasn't just doing it for the hollow, no, whilst he did care Toshiro was his main concern. What he was saying was all for his benefit.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Feb 26, 2010 0:16:49 GMT -5
"If you don't he'll just try and take over again, and if he does he will... Surely you must see that logically this is the best way?"
Oh, Hitsugaya did. He knew it worked absolutely. But the problem lied in Hitsugaya refusing to go with it. Sure it would solve a load of problems, but, he didn't like as to what he should do. It didn't sit right with him despite the fact it worked. He just couldn't do that. He didn't feel it was right. Not at all. It was a Hollow and there was no way he was going to give it freedom. It had caused him pain and discontent, so why the hell should he go with what it wants? If he did, sure, it might help -even if a bit-, but he did not like the idea. Wasn't there another way? He did not want to have to go through this. It was ridiculous. Absurd. Ukitake went on to further explain. He understood the concept, he surely did, but, it was not something he wanted to go through. He was mentally rejecting the idea despite the fact it would save him a lot of trouble and pain. But, there was pain in that too. Both ways, he lost. It still hurt.
"If you had a child who was scared of the dark how would you leave them alone at night? Obviously you cannot always be there always, but if you leave them alone they scream and shout until you hear. You'd leave a light on of course."
he just looked at Ukitake with a somewhat bothered look. It didn't annoy him. It really did not sit well with the boy, and frankly, he couldn't stop Ukitake either. The man was absolutely right, so there was no need for him to stop explaining. But, it did not mean, that Hitsugaya accepted. He tilted his head downwards slightly and lowered his eyes to the ground, thinking as to what to do. Agh, he didn't want to fall to this damn it! Why did he have to be faced with decisions like these? Despite the fact he was a captain he was still young, and here he was, being persuaded to take actions that could affect his life as a whole. He wanted to be something grand. Something that would help him have a better life and let himself mature into what he wanted. But this was never what he had wanted. This, was the opposite. His life seemed to be declining in terms of how good it was, and at a fast rate. He needed to stop this, or at least slow this down. It wasn't good for his mentality, and probably lifestyle.
"Thus what would you do with someone scared of being trapped, someone who'll do anything at all to escape, including taking action in things they don't wish to? You'd grant them some freedom to gain their compliance, even if it's only to a minor degree so that they will at least listen to you."
"And how do you know it doesn't wish to?" He asked rather anxiously, as if that was the most important question as of yet. "Just because it backed down once doesn't mean that it won't again." He calmed himself.
He just, couldn't see this working for himself. It wasn't something he felt was personally the right thing to do. It just, no. Ukitake could explain all he wanted and never drop the topic, and Toshiro would still refuse. It would kill him if he did. He didn't even know the true nature of his Hollow, even though it was a part of his soul. Perhaps if he did, something like this would go a lot smoother, but, this wasn't the case, and quite frankly the boy had no desire either. it was just a Hollow, maybe one that was part of him, but still a Hollow, so it should be treated as such: It had to be restrained as much as possible before others were to be hurt. There was already someone else hurt, Jushiro, and that was one too many. He didn't want to deal with this, and here he was, doing just that. He rain his fingers through his dove-white hair and gripped it slightly. He was under a lot of stress.
"Please Hitsugaya, I know you're hurting, and I'd never ask this of you if there was another way... But there isn't, not right now. Please, just trust me to help you, if anything happens I give you my word that I'll stop you, I won't let anything happen."
The boy lifted his head slightly to have teal eyes look into his brown ones, his eyes not holding as much anger as previously shown. He couldn't dislike Ukitake. The man was true to his words, so, he had no choice but to listen and just take in what he said. And what he had just stated, eased Hitsugaya slightly. Just that moment of easiness helped him a lot, and he didn't even know it. It was just a subconscious thing, and yet, it felt so good. The one thing he worried though, was if Ukitake was going to uphold his word. He shouldn't doubt the old man, and never before he did, but for some reason now, he had a wisp of doubt. Perhaps it was just the distress that had reached to a new level recently. Whatever it was, the wisp quickly vanished. He knew this man better. He should know better.
"Tell me, has anyone ever pinned you into something that you want absolutely nothing to do with? You fight with all you have, even though that's the last thing you want to do."
He winced slightly as if that pinched him. "That is exactly what caused this." He said in a low voice.
It was true. Kusaka had forced him into a situation that he wanted no part of, then was forcibly dragged into it. The young captain had no choice but to flee on his own. Maybe it was for the best. He wasn't doing so well under Kusaka's broken wing. If only he could fix it...
"That's all the hollow is doing... When you fight someone in that situation they just fight back so much harder, in the end everyone involved will be destroyed. With something like this you must compromise, give them some of what they want to get what you want. He backed down to give you what you wanted, but he did so because he wants more freedom. If you give him that he'll be more liable to let you keep your control."
He knew this, and he knew this well, yet he refrained from fighting against it. The topic would not end unless Toshiro agreed to do so, but at the same time, he wasn't going to lie. That was flat out stupid in a situation such as this one. He wasn't about to do that either, because he couldn't lie to a man he greatly respected, even if the said man was trying to sway him into doing something he didn't want to. Funny.
[ ooc: SHORT AND SHIT. SUE ME. ]
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Mar 1, 2010 18:34:12 GMT -5
He could see clearly that his words were bothering the boy, and he truly was sorry for that , however what was being said absolutely had to be. He was really to young to be dealing with things like this, far to young, even someone Ukitake's age shouldn't be put through something such as this, and he had lived many of this boy's lives. In short this was not a fate he would wish upon any, especially not someone who in his mind was the very representation of innocence, a child. Innocence such as that should never be tainted by such dark matters as this, it should be preserved and protected, and that was an adults place in the world. Standing before the children to shield them from everything that may harm them. Toshiro was a captain, and Ukitake respected that, despite the strange affection he showed he was more restrained with Toshiro than other children, yet under it all he still had that base need to protect him even when the boy would not want it. If he could shoulder all his troubles and take them as his own then he would, he'd gladly take hollow and all if it meant relieving Toshiro from his pain.
"And how do you know it doesn't wish to?"
In honest the man thought it was plainly simple, though as an observer of course he did, those on the outside always saw things in a different way, usually one which was far clearer than the one suffering from whatever events were there. "Because if it did then it would have never backed down even once." It was true and so simple. A hollow would not back down if it wanted to fight, if they desired to fight then they would, it was the way of things. It had not though, it had stopped, and that showed everything he needed to know for now. "I swear Toshiro, I swear to you on all I an that it's not seeking to deliberately harm you." He'd swear on pride and honor if he had to, simply for the fact that he did not believe it meant harm. It was everything's nature to want to survive and be free, it was the basic instinct of everything. To deprive anything of these core factors was something so very cruel, and something the lost individual rights it should have had would do anything to get them back, it was common play in life to act this way. It didn't make you some vile beast to the core of your being for it though.
"Just because it backed down once doesn't mean that it will again."
He could see where he was coming from, he truly could, however his words lacked the logic they should have done. In life there was the negative of things, and the positive and the negative, he'd rutted himself into seeing only the negatives, and that was going to bring him nothing but further pain. To live life you needed to follow a brighter path, if you could not then you would simply fall to darkness where you would never be able to pull yourself from. He'd not allow for that to happen to this boy, not now, and not ever. "And nor does it mean it will not." He offered simply. He hoped that somewhere along the lines he was making progress, with Toshiro it was always was hard to read. Admittedly Ukitake could at times see past things, but not always, many a time he could only work on a presumption... And right now her presumed the boy was trying to hide himself from what the older captain was saying. "People are not always as they appear, they build a shell to protect themselves, in the case of the hollow it's a protective one. Toshiro there is always a way to break down these walls if you use the correct methods. In this case you just need to give him what he wants, at least to a degree. If you do that the aggression will stop and he'll work with you...” So he hopped anyway.
"That is exactly what caused this." Listening he simply took the information in, processing it quickly. He'd expected it would be something like that, in life it was indeed usually was something close to that in matters such as these. What Ukitake could not understand was why. There were no doubt many people who envied the icy boy, he had a natural skill that had never before been seen. It was all to possible that this was the cause of the current issue, however a part of him was not ready to accept this. There were none that Toshiro would allow to do this to him without a fight, and for the most part if he fought any but another captain he would win with little question. Thus he knew there was more, yet right now he refrained from asking as to what it had been exactly as of yet, he did not want to distract from the current situation. The boy had been through a lot, and thus he did not wish to overwhelm him with to many topics at once, especially ones so very delicate as these were. No, once the present matter was cleared up then that would be the next topic, but for now it was not and so he held his council on it for the moment.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Mar 2, 2010 22:56:00 GMT -5
"Because if it did then it would have never backed down even once. . I swear Toshiro, I swear to you on all I an that it's not seeking to deliberately harm you."
And he had a good point, but still. It wasn't sitting right with him. His mind was telling him that this wasn't right. At the moment, he was only relying on what his mind thought. That was it though. Wasn't the mind the one that was always correct? After all, the mind was what calculated what was deemed logical or not. Was that not the best way to go along with something. yes there was the heart, but, it did not seem like something that should be trusted. Wrong path, right path. How was one to know that? There was a fault to the theory of it being "what was always right". The heart could not calculate anything. Toshiro didn't truly understand it's workings, but he didn't want to. His heart was telling him to follow what Ukitake said, but his mind ached and longed for him to just shoot it down outright. The reason why the boy had not said anything harsh about it was because even now, he still was not sure which to follow. It was a hard choice, both would determine what course his life would take. He sighed. Ukitake was beginning to swear on himself again, and when that happened he could not let any form of doubt fall in. There was a small hint of it though. Perhaps the boy just needed to calm down.
"And nor does it mean it will not. People are not always as they appear, they build a shell to protect themselves, in the case of the hollow it's a protective one. Toshiro there is always a way to break down these walls if you use the correct methods. In this case you just need to give him what he wants, at least to a degree. If you do that the aggression will stop and he'll work with you...”
He didn't know what to do at this point. This could be a very good plan. It could be executed rather well. But even then, he just couldn't decide. It wasn't so much a matter of him not liking this idea, but more the fact that he just could not decide on what to do. While the answer was seemingly simple he was having a hard time. He rubbed his face as he thought upon the matter slowly, trying to make sure that on a final decision, it was the best. The young captain did not want any regrets with his choice of action. He had to think this through. He did understand what Jushiro was telling him, very well, but just the idea of a Hollow being something non-violent baffled him. It did not seem like something to really worry about but to the boy it was. It was parasite in his head, and he had to know its true nature in order to fight against it properly. Giving it freedom did not seem like the best choice of action to perform. It would only learn that Hitsugaya was something weak, take advantage of him and use the "freedom" to break through again. No matter what Ukitake said, he could not trust it. There was too much risk involved.
"I still don't know..." He mused out quietly. "It won't feel right if I do, and that's just the thing." His heart ached to say yes, while his mind begged to say no. It was a hard choice.
He relied on mostly his mind. He had become dependent on such, and therefore he always tended to lean more towards what his mind though rather than what his heart was telling him, even if it was the flat out truth and that his mind was deceiving him. He had done this mistake when he encountered Kusaka again after so long, He didn't want to believe it, and by doing this, it was all the more harder to deal with once he found out. He just couldn't. Sighing, Toshiro felt a chill run down his spin painfully slow. His fingers curled around the fabric of the sheets and quickly wrapped them around himself with his spiritual pressure fluctuated. It was the Hollow trying to do something again. He could tell the difference between what was actually the cold and what was the Hollow. He had learned that much when he went under its influences. He was beginning to learn the signs now. This was progress. Finally, he was getting somewhere with this. He shook his head and the feeling went away, his body reverting back to what it had felt like before. He let go of the sheets and they folded around him on the futon all crumpled. He had just saved himself. More progress. He looked into the older man's brown eyes firmly.
"It's hard to agree with you..." He said finally. "Had I followed through with what you suggest, I would have, right now, just returned to my other state." the boy paused, thinking over his words carefully. "It is not that the idea is something ridiculous, but, I don't feel comfortable enough just yet." He wasn't shooting down the idea anymore. "It's not that I do not understand, I just can't accept."
He could not anymore, and not because Ukitake was using his usage of words to sway him, but because Toshiro understood, and he had from the very beginning. It was just accepting that he had issues with. Understanding meant nothing if you did not accept, and it was always the hardest thing to do, such as now. Teal eyes slowly looked over to the corner of the room where Hyorinmaru rested against the corner upright in its sheath. He needed to contact Hyorinmaru again. His gaze sat on the blade for a while as he thought his options over. Did he really want to go through with this? It just seemed like so much. He was under immense pressure at the moment. Nothing someone his age should have to go through, Yet it was real and happening. How weird. But asides from that, he couldn't help but think that maybe he could find a way to beat it, so he didn't have to go over freedoms. There had to be way, and he liked that better than this.
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