Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Jan 27, 2010 21:34:42 GMT -5
“I know you really don't trust me little one, if it's any consolation I may not have had I been you. For all it's worth though I really don't mean you harm.”
It knew this by this point. The man was reinforcing all this to calm the creature down. It was working very well. The Hollow was beginning to open up a bit more to the man. His promises and the like; they were shaping something like a base in the mind of the beast, so that later, it would know this white haired man as someone who promised it the feeling of protection. Though as the man spoke again, it backed off slightly and hissed loudly. What?!
“Do you know where this place is? It's the soul society, a place full of soul reapers.... I'm not going to let any of them harm you. I promise I won't.”
His quick reassurance though calmed it down, but not as much as it would have, or should have. It lowered itself slightly again. This place... was full of Soul Reapers? How, how was it to survive, even with this man's help? Feeling rather frightened, it released a high-pitched whine, as if the words themselves hurt it. Despite the man's statement that no one was going to hurt it as long as he was around, it still thought of the place terrifying now. Great, this was a Soul Reaper nest! Though feeling this at the same time, it stalked back to where it stood moments ago, as if being near the man was going to help dull the anxious feeling it was currently experiencing. Had he not told the Hollow, then it wouldn't have worried. But now it did, and that was done. Though gentle rubbing of the back of its head though did help some. Had the man not done so, it would have been a lot more tense than now. Perhaps just the feeling of it settled it down, on top of reassuring words. Yes, this man was indeed doing all the right things. The man began to push the Hollow once more. It stopped itself, tensing, but soon realized it was for the best of things, and so it inched a bit closer, the rubbing at the neck calming it so much. It almost lost all of its tense feeling, shown when flopped it's legs to the side, supporting its top self with the arms of the body it currently controlled. It just seemed like a boy with a strange mask, sitting with his legs beside him, waist o the ground, watching over something.
"You must see though that even with this it's not safe for you to walk around as you are, someone may hurt you without really meaning to... Do you see what I'm saying? I won't make you do anything little one, I swear I won't, but right now it's so very much safer for you if Toshiro's in control.”
It looked at him with those reptilian eyes and did nothing. It understood clearly what was being said to it, but, that boy was going to knock it back into the recesses of its mind, being locked away until it saw the chance to see the light of day again. The inner world of that boy, Toshiro, it was nothing but a plain of ice. Dark and endless. That was not what the creature wanted to see, it wanted to be free, but, more importantly, if it was going to be free, it wanted the assurance that now ill-will could come by it. It didn;t want to be alone. This old man seemed to be getting rid of that feeling of being alone, and that was why it moved forward when he ushered. It was the same kind of feeling Hitsugaya had as a young boy. Alone and just wanting someone to care. No one did, and that was why a hard exterior was formed; in order to protect himself from the hurt. It was the same concept, except this creature could not form another layer such as that. It was not capable. It solely relied on whether people would keep their promises of protection or not.
“I'm not going to make you, I swear.... But don't you see that for now it's safer to be him?” You don't have to pull the mask off, just... Let him take over for now. I'll keep you safe.”
It whined in its unsureness. It didn't know what to do. If it did what was being told of it, then it wouldn't have the freedom it did now, but if it did not, there was a very good chance that it would be killed. It shook its head slightly, as if all the choices were bothering it. It was so confused as to what was right. It whined again slightly. Though this time, it hacked a little, as if it was going to up heave something up. It looked at the ground and panted, the muzzle part pointing downward. Even if the mask was covering the boy's face, it was just over it. It didn't block Hitsugaya's mouth. So therefore, the same white, thick substance that had helped the Hollow take over on that very night, began leaking out of his mouth and spread from there. It was not something seen unless you looked into the mouth of the mask and saw it for yourself. It began to spread past his face and down to the neck, connecting with the sides of the mask. It was moving at a slow pace, compared to how quickly the mask formed. It was a sign that the boy was fighting with all he could, but the Hollow was still in control. Removing the mask soon was wise, but, it was doubted the man would do s.
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Jan 28, 2010 6:28:53 GMT -5
He'd been right, the words had scared it. This had by no means been his aim, not at all. The very last thing he wanted to do right now was scare this hollow, to do so risked the safety of both that inhabited the body before him, it needed to stay calm. If it wouldn't do so he couldn't reason, and if he couldn't reason then he couldn't help it. The whole aim of this was to help, he could not afford for it to shut down on him now, not after so much progress had been made in things, no, rather what he needed was for it to just calm itself. If it could remain in a mellow state of mind things would follow through in a far smoother manner, which in the long run was far better for everyone. He could really only hope that his words and touch would sooth the discontented thing's soul, he didn't want it getting aggressive again, not when he'd only just brought it out of it. Agh, this was so badly complicated...
Despite how his words had been taken though the hollow did simply just seem to relax again at his reassurance, which was good. As it shifted into an odd position, legs kicked out to the side with only arms holding it up he chuckled. This wasn't a situation he wanted to laugh during, it really wasn't, seeing Toshiro like this was utterly heartbreaking to him, it was the last thing he'd wanted to see. However he couldn't act such, not openly, acting in any manner other than the one he usually showed would likely be detrimental to the situation, and so all he could do was smile and laugh. "What are you doing, hmm~?" There was almost a playful edge to the way he spoke, making it similar to the tone you'd use with a child that had just done something incredibly silly, and then managed to believe they'd done something astronomically amazing. Frankly it seemed like a tone best adapted for this situation, anything gruff and angry was liable to just scare the thing, at which point it'd attack. It was funny, had he been near anyone else this whole thing would have taken a totally different path, it was both amazing and lucky how fate worked. Attention drawn though he once more focused on the hollow.
As it hacked and whined he frowned, sliding his hand down from its neck to its back, again rubbing though this time though to alleviate whatever was bothering it. "Are you sick, little one?" He hadn't actually ever heard of a hollow getting ill, but this was part soul reaper, and he knew very well that they could. Moving his free hand forward, wincing vaguely as he did, he tried to put a finger under it's chin and lift gently to turn it back to facing him. "What's wr-" That's what was wrong... The hollowfication was progressing, and even the hollow seemed to be finding it uncomfortable. "Hush now," he murmured slightly. What worried him was that rather than slowing it down it was advancing, this wasn't good, not at all. He needed to free the boy... But at the same time without betraying the trust the hollow had put into him. It was all to likely that he'd meet this again, any damage to trust done here would no doubt be remembered, meaning reasoning with it in the future would be next to impossible. Though a pain this all needed to be handled with the utmost care, else the damage would be greater than one may first presume.
It was confused, and he knew that, he really didn't blame it in the least, but it did need to see... And perhaps a different approach were needed, no creature liked being trapped, and being stuck endlessly in the mind of another was unlikely something as skittish as this found at all enjoyable. "He's probably just as scared as you are... Neither of you really want to be trapped, do you?" If there was a way to remove it from the boy he'd have done it in a flash, but he doubted there was a way, and that was such a terrible thing. "Why don't you both try and work together?" Hollow and soul reaper, from what he'd seen with this particulate hollow that wasn't such an impossible thing... However the question was whether Toshiro would accept it. He was strong, but this was nothing short of traumatic. He was unlikely to be so open to the idea. "If you do that neither of you will ever need to be trapped, you can each have freedom." Not as much as either alone would have, but it was better than competing for control and losing it all, even if only for a short time.
It was perhaps only he who could ever suggest working with a hollow, treating it as an equal partner, that was just how his views on matters differed to most. "Neither of you want to live the rest of your lives fighting each other, if you just worked together things would be so much better for you both." It was hard, he'd need them both to understand, and to be honest Toshiro was very much likely to be the difficult one to sway. He was duty driven, to have a hollow in him must have seemed vile, but it was how things were... He'd have to adapt, the sooner the better. "If you give him back control of your own free will rather than he having to take it I'm sure he'd be happier with the idea." Moving his hand back up to it's neck he smiled. "I'll do all I can to make it easier for you both, I promise you." So many promises, so many things he wouldn't be able to break. The wording of this one was careful though, whether the hollow would not this was a different matter. He didn't say he promised to make the young captain understand, he couldn't make the boy do anything, nor did he seek to. The best he could do was reason with him, and that was what he'd do if the small hollow would only give control back.
Through this whole thing he wasn't actually aware of is the boy knew what was being said and done or not, if he were then that would make things easier no doubt, if not... It could be managed. "It's safer and better for you to give him control back for now little one, I promise I'll do everything I can to help you, but you need to work with me." Rubbing the back of it's neck again he retracted his other hand, tucking it against his chest again. "Help me to help you." That was what he needed. The benefit of this was also that he was giving the hollow control of how it did things, it could choose to give control of it's own free will, rather than having it taken back by Toshiro using force. In life everything deserved choices, everything had that right without even trying to have it. "Please, just give him back control for now, then I can get you both out of this nasty old shed to somewhere safer." He was doing near everything possible to appeal to the hollow's desires, it wanted to be safe, that much he knew, and quite frankly he doubted it felt either safe or happy in its current location. If only it would trust him to help it, things would be so very much easier.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Jan 28, 2010 22:32:02 GMT -5
"Hush now."
It whined once more before becoming quiet. It wasn't bothering it as much now. Before it was all stuck in its throat. Now it had since moved from where it was and now currently spreading down from the neck to the shoulders. It wasn't something that felt good. Not at all, but at least it would have a comfortable body to inhabit once the hollowfication process was complete. In all honesty, it didn't pay much mind to what his other side, Toshiro, thought of it all. It was just a Hollow looking out for itself. It didn't have much interest for the other half of it. It didn't matter at the moment. Though what the man said next did have some sort of affect on it. It whined slightly again and shook its head once more. This was hard to choose. Should it really let the Soul Reaper half of it take over again? It didn't want to die, but it wanted it's freedom. Though the man's words were very persuasive.
"He's probably just as scared as you are... Neither of you really want to be trapped, do you? Why don't you both try and work together? If you do that neither of you will ever need to be trapped, you can each have freedom."
It shook its head slightly. It at least knew neither really liked the idea of it, so choosing was going to be difficult. It doubted that the boy wanted to let the Hollow freedom, after all, this kind of Hollow was like a parasite to the young captain. He was its host, and there was no removing it; only death would be able to do so. Neither liked the idea of death also. This wasn't something that it could easily decide on. To just let the other side take over. Was that really, for the best? It was elaborate on more.
"Neither of you want to live the rest of your lives fighting each other, if you just worked together things would be so much better for you both. If you give him back control of your own free will rather than he having to take it I'm sure he'd be happier with the idea. I'll do all I can to make it easier for you both, I promise you."
No, it didn't. It never wanted to fight for the hell of it. Only to defend itself. Right now was no different. It didn't attack the older man just because he had high spiritual pressure and therefore as something to snack on- in fact it had very little, if any, interest in that. It wasn't vicious; the soul the Hollow had derived from didn't hold that much aggression. But, how did a Hollow work together with a Soul Reaper, even if they were indeed the same soul? It was all so weird. Right now, they were both fighting. Fighting to regain control of the body. It didn't want to fight back, but it had to if it wanted to keep control of the body. They both weren't the violent type, so both had to resort to an artificial feeling of aggression. They made each other aggressive so they could both fight for what they wanted. And the white haired man promised more. It held the promises close, and with so many that the man before it made, it only hoped he could keep up with all them.
"It's safer and better for you to give him control back for now little one, I promise I'll do everything I can to help you, but you need to work with me. Help me to help you. Please, just give him back control for now, then I can get you both out of this nasty old shed to somewhere safer."
The man rubbed his neck once more, and once again it felt better. His words, the way he worded them. they all were used effectively, and the Hollow was falling for it. This was perhaps better. Hopefully, Hitsugaya wouldn't shove the thing all the way back to the deep recesses of his inner world, which seemed like a hell to it, when it was really just a plain. It shook its head and hissed loudly. It had stopped fighting back just so the boy could come out once more. But it was painful. It whined loudly and the mask began to crack along the muzzle and between the eyes. The liquid that had been growing along his shoulders stopped, and cracked as well. The mask began to crumble as more cracks showed. It arched it's back slightly it apparent pain. It did not like this. The feeling was not a pleasant one in the least. It whined some more before the mask just fell off, shattering as it hit the ground. Now the face that was shown, was the face of the boy.
The Hollow color of his eyes regressed back into the corners of said eyes and returned to the white and bright teal coloration. His look was in a daze for a few moments before he regained complete control of his mind once more. But when things began to register in his mind, his mentality couldn't handle it. He felt something odd along the side of his face. He placed a soft hand on the side of his face and he felt something chalky, but not quite dry either. He put his hand in front of his face and saw the red fluid on his hands. Blood. His eyes widened in horror as he then wondered what had happened and what he had done. He was too busy trying to figure out a way to fight the Hollow than to take notice of what it was doing with his body. His eyes shifted to Ukitake, who's garments seemed to be stained with blood as well... What had... his arm.
"What..." His tone was whispery. "What... have I done?" It wasn't said to be dramatic. He serious did want to know what had occurred here.
His eyes widened more and his expression turned to a very morbid one. He was disgusted with himself. He quickly inched away, backing away from th older man. What was that damned thing thinking? Damned Hollows, they all the same. The boy was very much hurt, and his expressions and actions proved this. He held his arms once more, clearly traumatized by all this. He was just a child, a boy, and despite his many attempts to act mature, he couldn't deal with his emotions totally just yet, and if faced with something as major as this, he didn't know what to do, for once, he didn't know. He was so sorry, so very sorry, but at the moment, he didn't want to even want to hear his own voice. Just, disappointed in himself. He should have been stronger, faster. This was unacceptable at the most. He screwed his eyes closed and shut down. Sorry.
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Jan 29, 2010 19:29:43 GMT -5
As it whined he pulled it slightly closer, rubbing the side of it's face to try and comfort it, he could see well enough that it hurt and in honesty he didn't much like that, seeing it in pain... "Thank you little one," he soothed softly. This... had all been so weird, a soul reaper talking to a hollow, treating it as an equal, as nothing more than a scared child... He'd promised it so much, and by god he was going to do everything he could to keep his word. Hollows and soul reapers did not interact in this manner, it was a near enough in built instinct for the two to fight, and yet here between these two things had been different, because of Toshiro. It was no doubt thanks to the person he was in his heart that had made it possible, had he held aggression then this would have gone so terribly wrong, there would have been little to nothing he could do to calm the thing... But no, it had listened, it was allowing for Toshiro to take over once more. It allowed for the mask to just fall away, and for that he was all to grateful... Now though he had to deal with the pain and guilt that would no doubt come...
As the boy reached a hand up toward his face Ukitake extended his own to grab his wrist, to late though. He could simply watch as the boy's eyes widened in horror, before becoming further distraught as he caught sight of Ukitake himself. He'd both feared and expected this, at the time though it had been the best way... It had. He'd wanted trust so he could free the boy, and letting the hollow see that he was no threat like that had been best. For Toshiro though... For him it was different. He likely only saw his own inability to stop himself. That wasn't so though, not to Ukitake. Toshiro had fought with all he was, all he had, more than anything he respected the child... The captain. "You're not to blame," he offered, using the same tones as he had used previously with the hollow. He could never blame him for this, there was no way he could ever see these events as his fault, if it were the fault of any then Ukitake would be the one to blame. He'd not expected something like this, thus had made mistakes. Even so though, he saw this as the fault of none. Toshiro had done all he was able to, Ukitake could ask for nothing more from him. More than anything he was simply proud of the boy. So very proud of all he'd done.
"What... What... have I done?"
The... Poor thing... "You did everything you could." It was no doubt clear as to what had happened, the matter of why though was the key, the detail that was so very hard to find and pull to the surface unless you already knew. "It's not your fault," he repeated softly. "Please, don't blame yourself..." He would, Jushiro knew that. All he could really do was comfort him, and for once treating him like an adult would likely do very little good. Whatever happened this boy was just that, a boy, a child. In something like this the best method was probably to treat him as what he was, just a scared little boy. Thus he would... As he inched back, closing eyes and tensing, he himself moved forward, wrapping his good arm around the boy and lifting slightly before he turned a sat, sitting the boy on his lap as he did. "It wasn't your fault, I let it happen little one, and it's not even that bad." He had, he'd let himself get bitten, it had been his choice, had he wanted he could have avoided it... But he'd had reasons for not, and they had paid off in the long run...
Pulling him closer slightly he took his wrist in his left hand, lifting it slightly before using the sleeve of his opposing hand to clean off the blood, doing the same with his face, leaving his hand there after. "I don't blame you little one, please, don't be angry with yourself." He didn't want that, he didn't expect the boy to smile and act like the world was bright and happy, but he did want him to leave the guilt behind, it was not his fault, Ukitake didn't blame him, he wasn't angry. He just... pitied the boy so badly, how could anything like this have happened to someone like Toshiro, to anyone really. The boy had such a good heart under it all, he was a gentle soul who'd simply been kicked down one to many times... He was so young too... So very young. He wouldn't be able to handle this, not really, but then, could anyone? A part of him doubted any would be able to deal... But at least he was here to help. "Please, Toshiro, you're not safe here, let me take you somewhere else..." Somewhere safe, as he'd promised previously.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Jan 30, 2010 13:31:18 GMT -5
"You're not to blame."
Not to blame? What, what was he thinking? He was very much to blame! It was his own damned fault that Ukitake was hurt now. If only he was stronger. If that had been the case no one would have gotten hurt. But it wasn't, and no someone had been injured and bleeding. The boy didn't mean it. With all his heart and body he did not mean to attack the old man like that. Not at all. Ukitake didn't deserve what had come to him, nor did anybody. Hitsugaya had been useless that whole time. He fought all he could, he really, honestly did. But that obviously was not enough. Not enough to stop all that had probably happened. That was another thing. He couldn't remember what had happened. He had been too involved with fighting the Hollow that he could not have taken notice to anything. If he had, then maybe he could have found a way to stop it before it attacked, but no. Ugh there was so much he could have done! So stupid!
"You did everything you could. Please, don't blame yourself..."
What? "THEN WHO IS TO BLAME?!" He shouted, just so disgusted with himself. "If it is not me, the WHO? I was the one responsible!"
He couldn't understand as to how Ukitake could say that so lightly. How could someone do that in a situation like this? It was insane! Clearly Ukitake didn't understand the severity of the situation. He knew that damn old man was sick in the head one way or another. All the anger and sadness was coming up again. No, he didn't want this. He didn't want this... this burden. He was just a child, and being burdened with the responsibility of keeping himself from killing everything wasn't something someone his age should deal with it. That was madness. Yet despite it being such madness it was real, and happening right now. The man came close and lifted him slightly, only to seat the boy on his leg. Toshiro couldn't care any more. He really couldn't. You could beat him and he wouldn't do a thing. The boy went limp on the man's lap, just, shutting himself down from everything. He was so, disgusted with himself. Though hi eyes widened once more.
"It wasn't your fault, I let it happen little one, and it's not even that bad."
He growled. "What the hell?!" The man was out of his mind, he seriously was. "Why didn't you do something?!" Why not!? "It doesn't matter if it's a little thing or a huge gash, I did something I shouldn't have!" Self-hate was starting to be a very prominent emotion.
He didn't know how Ukitake was treating this like no big deal, and it was beginning to bother the boy greatly. How could he act like that, just how? Though Toshiro didn't dwell too much upon the matter. It wasn't important. Nothing was at the moment. He was tired, traumatized, and just... wanted to be alone. But at this point he very much doubted Ukitake would give him the privacy he so very much wanted. There was a reason as to why Hitsugaya hid out in this shed. There was a reason why he didn't go straight back to the Seireitei. If Ukitake was so smart, why hadn't he picked up these points that he needed to be alone? Though he couldn't at all blame the older captain for being curious. Perhaps he caught the boy at a right time. Who knows. Hell, Toshiro didn't even know what caused the Hollow to get excited. He needed to know to stop it again.
"I don't blame you little one, please, don't be angry with yourself. Please, Toshiro, you're not safe here, let me take you somewhere else..."
"Then where am I safe?" His tone had an angry tone to it, as if Ukitake just suggested something stupid.
Was there really anywhere that he was? He doubted it greatly. Not any more. Ever since he obtained the Hollow within his soul, all chance of being somewhere safe was gone. As long as that thing was in him, he wasn't safe. Damn it all. Just damn it all. The boy remained motionless, just being limp, just dropping against Ukitake's chest. He just, no. Everything was just collapsing front of him. His dignity, pride, all of it. The only thing he thought he could keep was his life. Damn it.
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Post by Jushiro Ukitake on Jan 31, 2010 21:50:54 GMT -5
"THEN WHO IS TO BLAME?! If it is not me, the WHO? I was the one responsible!"
Looking at the roof for a moment he shook his head slightly, how had it all come to this? He was so angry, so distressed, so hateful toward himself.. Just why was it like this. “It's no one's fault, not mine, and most certainly not yours... Things like this, they cannot be blamed on anyone, only the events leading to the current situation.” He sighed. “You can be as strong and wise as you wish, but if events conspire against your heart and soul there is little you can do to stop it. You must accept it, be stronger from it, learn from it and then move one.” That was all you could ever do in times like this, accept and move on, there were no other options, no other choices, only the paths you chose to make for yourself. Ukitake had no intention of letting Toshiro walk this one alone. The boy no doubt thought he wanted to be alone, yet did he once consider how he'd feel if Ukitake did leave? He'd feel he was right, that he deserved to be alone, that he was something vile to be shunned, a monster. Ukitake would not allow for him to feel that, and so he'd stay, even if his attention did not seem to be wanted.
"What the hell?! Why didn't you do something?!"
Why indeed... His reason was good in his mind, but perhaps not to the boy... “It was the only way it would trust me, the only way I could free you from it.” In his mind it had been, alas it had harmed the boy... And that he regretted. “I'll never lift a blade to a comrade or child, not if there's still hope for the former. Think of me as weak if you wish.” Perhaps he was, if he'd simply drawn his blade no doubt he could have soon removed the mask, no one would have been hurt then, but no, he'd insisted on the strangest way possible, one resulting in physical pain to himself, and mental to Toshiro. He could not fight him, the boy was indeed a comrade, a friend, but he was also a child... And no matter the situation he could not raise his blade and attack a child, ever. “Forgive me for hurting you.” He was truly sorry, but... It had been the only way. Really, he didn't blame the boy for being angry with him, he could loath him for it. This was how Ukitake worked though, and no doubt he'd take the same path again if he had to.
"It doesn't matter if it's a little thing or a huge gash, I did something I shouldn't have!"
This was no good, all he could do was blame himself, and that Ukitake could not allow. “Stop,” he ordered, voice still gentle, yet now stern. “Toshiro stop this, you are not to blame, your mind was not the one that did this. It is not your fault.” It wasn't, and Ukitake wasn't about to let him blame himself, not ever. If only the boy could see that it really see the truth behind that, this wasn't and never could be his fault... Ukitake could see why he perhaps blamed himself, the foundations though were not solid to someone as old as he, to someone who'd seen so much in his lifetime the reasoning just seemed poor to nonexistent. Yet the reasoning was Toshiro's, his only hope was in fighting to change that view. With time he could, but right away the chances were slim. His attitude was positive externally, as always, what people failed to see so often though was that perhaps there was more behind the smile, that perhaps the situation did hurt and trouble him. This though was not about he and his emotions, rather it was about Toshiro and his.
"Then where am I safe?"
Where? To him the answer were obvious. “With me,” he stated simply. Despite being only two words the reassurance there was so much more, so much deeper than just that. Whether he knew it or not, felt it or not, he would be. Ukitake could be judged as many things, creepy, a moron, crazy, stalkerish, weak, but through it all no one had ever deemed him to be a liar. In truth whilst he was none of the for mentioned things the only important detail as of now was the latter. He was no lying. With him the boy would be safe, or at least safer than he would be here alone. With a slight sigh he moved a hand up to place it on the boy's head, looking down at him as he did so. “I give you my word.” Perhaps there was insanity in him, he knew that by every law the boy should be brought before the council, but there was no justice there. His teacher had told him time and time again to follow the justice of the world, and so he would, he did, he always would. He'd follow it knowing full well that if discovered he too was all to liable to be banished or executed. Crazy? Perhaps he was, but then, wasn't everyone just a touch crazy?
Shaking his head he tried to shift the boy slightly into a more sideways position, if only to prevent pressure on his bandaged chest. “We need to leave here.” With that he stood, perching the boy on one arm and also supporting him with the same, an awkward maneuver, though one not to difficult with the boy's light weight. Extending his other, injured, hand toward the shattered remnants of the mask he knew full well leaving it would do no good, and thus he simply pointed at it, firing a small and concentrated kido blast at it (not bothering to use the incantation) incinerating it into dust as he did such. He hoped dearly it would not trigger the hollow, indeed he'd cut the power to barely a whisper of what the kido was capable of.... Still.... There was one more he need. “Bakudo 26 Kyokko.” With that they were gone, no longer visible or sensible. The only way to detect either of them now would be if you walked directly into them, or if your kido mastery was better than the white haired captains. Neither were likely. All of this set in place he simply walked out, using his free hand to open the door, before the shadowed light of dusk was once more seen. The safest place? His own home no doubt.
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Toshiro Hitsugaya
Captain
"Swinging a sword out of duty alone is what a captain must do."
Posts: 57
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Post by Toshiro Hitsugaya on Feb 1, 2010 18:00:33 GMT -5
“It's no one's fault, not mine, and most certainly not yours... Things like this, they cannot be blamed on anyone, only the events leading to the current situation. You can be as strong and wise as you wish, but if events conspire against your heart and soul there is little you can do to stop it. You must accept it, be stronger from it, learn from it and then move one.”
Even with these words said, the boy did not stir at all, as he remained sat and slouched against the older man. These were words of wisdom, but the boy could not agree, at all. There was someone to blame for this, if not him, then the Hollow. But the Hollow was part of his soul, and Hitsugaya was responsible for fighting against it if it took control of his mind. It was obvious that Hitsugaya had failed in fighting it back. So some of the blame had to go to him. Ukitake could deny it all he wanted, but it did not phase the boy's thoughts at all. He doubted Ukitake understood how the youth felt. The older man could never understand the feeling of it all. It was a horrible feeling; to feel helpless and to let have your body go rampant as it was possessed by another mind that wasn't your own. A mind that didn't represent who you were. He didn't think Ukitake was trying to understand, or make Hitsugaya understand, but, he didn't think the man really take into account on how much that hurt the young Soul Reaper. If he had, then, wouldn't he have done something sooner and quicker? This... wasn't at all being played out to his favor. Everything was going against it at the least.
“It was the only way it would trust me, the only way I could free you from it.”
What? Trust it? It was a freaking Hollow, no trust should have gone into it. It would have been so much simpler if he had just removed the mask then and there. Then maybe no one would be hurt- or hurt as badly-, and Hitsugaya would perhaps not be so up and arms about all this either. Though before Hitsugaya could speak his mind, his mouth open to say something in protest, he closed it again, re-slouching somewhat.
“It was the only way it would trust me, the only way I could free you from it. Forgive me for hurting you.”
No, no it wasn't. There were so many different ways! How... why... ugh! The boy closed his eyes again and just shifted his head downwards, as if to just look at the ground and not at anyone else including himself. This wasn't something you could just get over. It wasn't something in which you could just have it happen and just move on. You can'[/t]. The Hollow lived in him. It was always going to be there, no matter what. So therefore, he didn't think that something such as what had occurred should be forgotten. No, he had to think about it and live with it.From that, he could learn. Oh, he might have disagreed on blaming no one, but he agreed that one could learn from it. And Hitsugaya did learn a small thing or two from the evening. Things that could eventually accumulate into something useful. But as of now, to the youth, they were close to nothing helpful. It may solve some smaller things, but not something as large scaled. It was frustrating. The boy was in no way depressed, rather, very troubled by what had occurred. He felt so agonized and helpless. He did not want to feel such, but, the feeling was there. Despite being such a smart boy, he couldn't have foreseen this. He hated this. As for forgiveness... he had already. Toshiro, despite being rather detached from most things, wasn't one to hold a grudge. Ukitake was a smart man, and he perhaps knew what he was doing, but the youth didn't think he had chose correctly in his handling of the situation.
“Stop. Toshiro stop this, you are not to blame, your mind was not the one that did this. It is not your fault.”
Whatever, just whatever. He couldn't agree. Yes, it wasn't his mind, but it was his body, and he was unable t control what was his. His body, his Hollow; he had to deal with them and live with them, as well as their actions and such. Though the latter, the Hollow, he needed to learn how to control. One day, one day he would learn how to beat it. One day, the damned thing wouldn't be able to possess his mind again. One day, he would be free from this. Not from the Hollow, but from its influence. When that day comes, he would be the happiest brat ever, but now, now he was quite the opposite. Agonized, hurt, disgusted. He felt so hateful towards himself, but inside, within it all, he felt stronger. He felt that that he had learned something from all this. Small things, little things, but he would find away to apply this new found knowledge. But currently, it didn't satisfy him. He needed to learn more, to experience more, to acquire more. He had more will now, more than before, because he now had faith that he could beat this thing, given time.
“With me. I give you my word.”
This was one thing he could agree on. Ukitake was not the kind of man to just hurt anybody without a very good and legitimate reason. Toshiro knew full well that he would not let the younger captain into harm's way on purpose, and prevent it at all from happening accidentally. Shifting his head upwards to look at the man's face with rather tired eyes, he thought. Just what exactly was going through this man's head right now? What could have the man just make this less of an issue than it really was. How could he just act like that? Just how? Feeling more relaxed about it than Toshiro didn't seem right. Perhaps the man had other feelings in his head. Ukitake was the kind of man to be more positive. They both handled things very differently. But during a time like this, were their thoughts upon the matter really that different? He wondered. What could Ukitake be thinking... for some reason the youth wondered, as if knowing in all honesty what it was would help.
“We need to leave here.”
He hoped by all gods that he wasn't going to the Seireitei. There had been a reason as to why he didn't go there straight away. He hoped Ukitake knew what the hell he was doing, because there was really little a place they could go to. Hitsugaya merely nodded as he was raised, still seated on the man's good arm. He took a glance at the other arm, and it made him cringe somewhat. He was so sorry for this, so dearly, truly sorry. He could just say it now and get it over with, but, this wasn't the time, nor did Hitsugaya feel all to great at the moment. He felt as if he was going to pass out at any second. He had tried all he could to fight back the Hollow, and he had, and no exhaustion was beginning to overtake him, as it did that very night with Kusaka... Kusaka... what was he doing now? No, he mustn't think of that now. That... he didn't even know what turned him into a monster of sorts and tried to use him. He couldn't think of that now. No. Distracting his thoughts, he watched the man destroy the remnants of the mask and sighed slightly. Damned thing, why must he be burdened with such?
“Bakudo 26 Kyokko.”
He knew this kido, but he wasn't really a user of it. He hadn't saw the need to. As they walked out, colors began to fade away upon them as the sun began to sink into the horizon. The boy's eyes fluttered slightly as he tried to stay awake. He found it very challenging, though. Soon enough, he just passed out all together, his head landing against Ukitake's shoulder. Today had been hell, for him and his mind. It wasn't anything at all pleasant. Rather the opposite. What was he to do with all this? So much more responsibility had been placed on him, and yet he didn't know what to do. Who was going to help? Virtually no one, as he was a victim, and around these parts, no one could help. They would only bring him to justice, label him as a traitor and rid of him, as trash, as a traitor, as a monster. That would be all they see.
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